As I write this, I must admit that I am tearing up. I don't know exactly why, but I am. I think it's because I am remembering a tradition that was held for many, many years.
Christmas Eve was a very special time for my family. There was a time when my immediate family would come together for one night and put our differences aside.
It was a time that we would go around the room and open presents. My cousin and I would get the same exact thing from my Nana and Papaw. Everything was the same, right down to the matching sets of underwear. I remember one time David and I got ink pens that opened up like switchblades. How cool is that? Of course, there were some stinkers in there as well.
Most memorable was the purple sweatsuit that Nana got me. David's was navy if I remember correctly, but mine was Barney like purple. I've told this story before, but when I tried it on, I looked like "Grimace." Nana replied, "Clay, that just looks great on you." How could I argue with that.
My job was to make "Whispers." A "Whisper" is a delightful concoction that I learned how to make back in my bartending days. It's Vanilla ice cream, Bailey's Irish Creme, Hazelnut Liquor, and a little milk. The only time I have ever seen my Nana take a sip of alcohol was on Christmas Eve. Her cheeks would get a little red.
My memories of my kid sister come to mind. She had that red hair that seemed to glow against the colors of Christmas. She would bounce around in a cute dress from one person to another. Always so happy and affectionate. Steph was everyone's little favorite, especially with my Papaw. It such a great memory to see Stephanie sitting in Papaw's lap. You know what it's like to sit in that lap, you might as well sit upon a throne. Steph was the princess.
My Mom and Aunt Jane seemed to interchange in the kitchen. Sausage balls, those little weenie things in BBQ sauce, every dip imaginable......the food just kept coming. My mother would always burn the rolls, but it was to be expected. The woman never saw a timer she liked.
As the evening would seemingly come to a close, the music would start. Each Uncle, Step-Dad, son, daughter would have a chance to play a song. Inevitably, there would be dancing. Steph would stand on a chair. Nana and Papaw would kiss each other for a split second. (PDA was frowned upon, I guess) and finally I would get to dance with my mom. Each year, I would get a little taller. Mom was 5-10, so it took a long time to look into those brown eyes, but I finally caught up. She would tell me she loved me, and I her. I miss her very much. I miss everyone very much.
Now, time has moved on. Some have passed on gracefully like my hero Grandfather. Some have died too young. Some have their own families, and some have moved away. But I still remember every single moment.
I was lucky. If you still bother to read this, please don't take it for granted. Celebrate each other as hard as you can. It won't last forever.
Merry Xmas. Love to everyone.
Clay
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thanksgiving
So, my family went in all directions over Thanksgiving. Emmamonster was staying with her Mom over the break, but I was fortunate to have very special friends (Chris and Jenny) that invited me over for dinner. I got more than I bargained for. I was expecting to just eat my weight and leave, but I found a new perspective for family and friends.
Of course, the most pressing thing was the awkwardness that comes when you are someone's house and are going through the introductions. For some reason, I feel so awful when this happens. I'm a very outgoing person naturally, but I equate introductions to an inquisition. "Hi, my name is Clay. Do you mind if I give you my life story before we sit down." It's just insecurity of course, but I do it every single time.
The first thing I noticed was how beautiful everyone's kids were. I just sat there gawking at these children that were all dressed up in their "Sunday" best, for just this occasion. My eyes were especially glued to this angelic little girl, whose name now escapes me. I mean, figure skating was on the TV, so "people watching" was what I was forced to do. You ever notice how sweet kids are when they are trying to integrate into the group? They slowly walk up and want to play....they have this sheepish look......they don't know what to say......finally, they get the courage and the next thing you know, they are breaking and tearing stuff up just like the other kids. It's a lot like dating....actually. But, I digress.
The entire time it was all I could muster not to tear up, because I was thinking about Emma. Emma was in Spartanburg with her cousins, but I wanted to be there....each kid that walked in front of me was a little older than the next. So, suddenly I was delving deep into my brain to remember Emma at 3, then at 5, then 7. My fondest Thanksgiving memory was when Emma was 4. Emma was really beginning to become chatty. I just remember her sitting on my stomach as we split some ice cream. "More, Daddy, quit eating all of it" I was inches from cracking up and crying a couple of times, but I knew I would have other opportunities to make an ass of myself...sure enough I did not disappoint.
Of course, you can't have a holiday without a few Griswald moments to go along. Speaking of which. "Christmas Vacation" has now officially replaced "A Christmas Story" as the movie to watch over the holidays. "Hey Clark, Shitter's full," says Uncle Eddie. That is just classic. Anyway, back to my Turkey day adventure. So, I was on my way to get my second helping of food when I made a big boo boo. I had somehow or another spilled something all over my lap. In addition, for the zillionth time, my fly was down. Why can't I remember something that most 3rd graders mastered while in Kingergarten. I think I'm just lazy when it comes to that, or I think that I am perpetually in pajama pants. How in the world did I get cranberry sauce on my pants....My entire purpose of the day was to get out alive. I should have prayed for not embarrassing myself while I was at it. No dice.
Well, I played it off pretty cool like, or so I thought. Slight of hand and all. As I am trying to clean myself out...while looking cool, I look up and yep, one of these cute little kids is looking at me like I was the boogeyman himself. It's bad enough that I wasn't family, but now I looked like a hobo with bladder issues. The little one took off in a Usain Bolt. I was terrified that I was going to have to explain my sheer lack of coordination to an angry parent that I just meant. Time to go, Clay.
Thanksgiving is not even near the top of the list of favorite holidays. I really didn't understand what it's all about. I mean, are we really celebrating pilgrims...Indians....whatever. I don't get it exactly. The part where we "give thanks" is where I get lost. I thought Thankgiving was the day before "Black Friday" As I stood in the middle of a room with mostly strangers, I finally figured it out. These folks are thankful for each other....for their family, their mothers, their cousins...it has nothing to do with the Cowboy game on the TV or the really good food we are about to devour.
My problem is that my family has divided into other families. My sister celebrates with her husband and his family. My daughter is with her mother and her family.....Nana even went out with some friends. My Dad has his family now. So, what's my family? I dunno. I've got Willie, but no one that shares my last name is stopping by. Why is that? My guess is that family's evolve.....and keep evolving.
I think I want more family. I miss it. Christmas is coming up and it's bittersweet.....sweet mostly, but you cannot have a holiday without thinking of those you have lost...and the ones you have, so I December is emotional, I guess. The good news is that the Monster will be here for a while and that's my present. Of course, she has ordered me to get a Xmas tree. I really was hoping I was through all the pageantry of Xmas, but when you have a 9 year old...forgeddaboutit.
It's not about being blessed more than others...It's not a race. It's not like Facebook where you can say.."Hey, I've got 229 friends." I just need one....thankfully.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.....see you soon.
Clayyyyyyyyyy
Of course, the most pressing thing was the awkwardness that comes when you are someone's house and are going through the introductions. For some reason, I feel so awful when this happens. I'm a very outgoing person naturally, but I equate introductions to an inquisition. "Hi, my name is Clay. Do you mind if I give you my life story before we sit down." It's just insecurity of course, but I do it every single time.
The first thing I noticed was how beautiful everyone's kids were. I just sat there gawking at these children that were all dressed up in their "Sunday" best, for just this occasion. My eyes were especially glued to this angelic little girl, whose name now escapes me. I mean, figure skating was on the TV, so "people watching" was what I was forced to do. You ever notice how sweet kids are when they are trying to integrate into the group? They slowly walk up and want to play....they have this sheepish look......they don't know what to say......finally, they get the courage and the next thing you know, they are breaking and tearing stuff up just like the other kids. It's a lot like dating....actually. But, I digress.
The entire time it was all I could muster not to tear up, because I was thinking about Emma. Emma was in Spartanburg with her cousins, but I wanted to be there....each kid that walked in front of me was a little older than the next. So, suddenly I was delving deep into my brain to remember Emma at 3, then at 5, then 7. My fondest Thanksgiving memory was when Emma was 4. Emma was really beginning to become chatty. I just remember her sitting on my stomach as we split some ice cream. "More, Daddy, quit eating all of it" I was inches from cracking up and crying a couple of times, but I knew I would have other opportunities to make an ass of myself...sure enough I did not disappoint.
Of course, you can't have a holiday without a few Griswald moments to go along. Speaking of which. "Christmas Vacation" has now officially replaced "A Christmas Story" as the movie to watch over the holidays. "Hey Clark, Shitter's full," says Uncle Eddie. That is just classic. Anyway, back to my Turkey day adventure. So, I was on my way to get my second helping of food when I made a big boo boo. I had somehow or another spilled something all over my lap. In addition, for the zillionth time, my fly was down. Why can't I remember something that most 3rd graders mastered while in Kingergarten. I think I'm just lazy when it comes to that, or I think that I am perpetually in pajama pants. How in the world did I get cranberry sauce on my pants....My entire purpose of the day was to get out alive. I should have prayed for not embarrassing myself while I was at it. No dice.
Well, I played it off pretty cool like, or so I thought. Slight of hand and all. As I am trying to clean myself out...while looking cool, I look up and yep, one of these cute little kids is looking at me like I was the boogeyman himself. It's bad enough that I wasn't family, but now I looked like a hobo with bladder issues. The little one took off in a Usain Bolt. I was terrified that I was going to have to explain my sheer lack of coordination to an angry parent that I just meant. Time to go, Clay.
Thanksgiving is not even near the top of the list of favorite holidays. I really didn't understand what it's all about. I mean, are we really celebrating pilgrims...Indians....whatever. I don't get it exactly. The part where we "give thanks" is where I get lost. I thought Thankgiving was the day before "Black Friday" As I stood in the middle of a room with mostly strangers, I finally figured it out. These folks are thankful for each other....for their family, their mothers, their cousins...it has nothing to do with the Cowboy game on the TV or the really good food we are about to devour.
My problem is that my family has divided into other families. My sister celebrates with her husband and his family. My daughter is with her mother and her family.....Nana even went out with some friends. My Dad has his family now. So, what's my family? I dunno. I've got Willie, but no one that shares my last name is stopping by. Why is that? My guess is that family's evolve.....and keep evolving.
I think I want more family. I miss it. Christmas is coming up and it's bittersweet.....sweet mostly, but you cannot have a holiday without thinking of those you have lost...and the ones you have, so I December is emotional, I guess. The good news is that the Monster will be here for a while and that's my present. Of course, she has ordered me to get a Xmas tree. I really was hoping I was through all the pageantry of Xmas, but when you have a 9 year old...forgeddaboutit.
It's not about being blessed more than others...It's not a race. It's not like Facebook where you can say.."Hey, I've got 229 friends." I just need one....thankfully.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.....see you soon.
Clayyyyyyyyyy
Thursday, October 22, 2009
eavesdropping
Let's take a sec...and get away from the gloom and doom. Sheesh...I just barely got started on my "Nut House" memoirs and have a long way to go. I just have to get them down on something other than toilet paper.
Ive been at Panera Bread all morning. It's a million voices all at once....and those annoying vibrating things that signal your food is ready.......I jump everytime those things go off. Luckily, the head phones are on and I need a boost.....Beethoven's Ninth....."Choir Version of Ode to Joy." Can you believe this guy composed this song by cutting the legs off a piano so he could feel the vibrations? That is genius.....and it's no one has ever come close. Mozart was a punk.
Anyway, to my left is a group of older gentlemen that seem to come here often. From what I have overheard they are discussing the end of the world. I don't see a Mayan Calendar, but they are discussing something they saw on the Bible channel. Is it me, or should the Bible channel (or whatever it is called) have like more uplifting stuff in it's programming. They are intense about it. Another thing....if I was getting coffee on my AARP card, which I will.....well scratch that......I would be discussing anything but the end of the world. Hell, it's coming for them anyway. Don't rush it pal.
Two other elderly gentlemen just about put me to sleep. Let me give you the conversation and try to stay awake. "Uh, gas went up again Earl...yep, 14 cents overnight." "Yeah, Im getting my oil changed next week, think Im gonna try that synthetic oil this time." "Hey, it's 11, the coffee just got changed out, it's fresh. I'm gonna get a cup." Please, put a pillow over my head and push till I don't fight anymore if i know when the coffee is gonna be fresh at Panera...please.
It's funny, but if my Grandfather was alive, this would be Mecca for him, so I shouldn't make too much fun.
If you are a moron, please stay away from me. I cannot help you. some idiot came up to me and asked me if I could help him jump his car off. No problem. I grab my cables and ask him where his car is. Im at Panera in Cleveland.....Paul Huff Parkway.....across from the Mall....or as I call it the gigantic waste of space that should be a golf course...a school....anything but a crappy Kmart. Can you imagine a Mall that doesn't have an arcade...wait, neither does Hamilton Place. Where can a guy get some Galaga in........Id would love to play some Mortal Combat.
Two girls are sitting across from me talking about guys. Guess what, they are bitching. From what I understand, Girl #1 is upset because her man hates Grey's Anatomy and wants to watch football all weekend. Do I need to comment on that? She's not my type anyway. Girl #2 is upset because her sweetie brought her flowers, chocolates, and a DVD for her anniversary. Excuse me, but it's a down economy...I see no ring of any kind. She should be thankful. Of course, I would have taken my girlfriend of two weeks to Hawaii first class. Question though, what did she get him? I know what he wanted....bet he didn't get it.
Ok...you cannot eat a breadbowl with a plastic fork......I think Ill just start carrying silverware around. damn it.....I can't hear a thing right now and a buzzer went off at the next table. They should swap out pacemakers for these things.
Uh oh....just spotted a dude use his water cup and put coke in it.....should I rat him out. Nah, he deserves it. He's gotta try and get thru that breadbowl.....
Have a good day to all. If you read these, I appreciate it and any feedback...good or bad is welcome....just make it good.
Clayyyy
Ive been at Panera Bread all morning. It's a million voices all at once....and those annoying vibrating things that signal your food is ready.......I jump everytime those things go off. Luckily, the head phones are on and I need a boost.....Beethoven's Ninth....."Choir Version of Ode to Joy." Can you believe this guy composed this song by cutting the legs off a piano so he could feel the vibrations? That is genius.....and it's no one has ever come close. Mozart was a punk.
Anyway, to my left is a group of older gentlemen that seem to come here often. From what I have overheard they are discussing the end of the world. I don't see a Mayan Calendar, but they are discussing something they saw on the Bible channel. Is it me, or should the Bible channel (or whatever it is called) have like more uplifting stuff in it's programming. They are intense about it. Another thing....if I was getting coffee on my AARP card, which I will.....well scratch that......I would be discussing anything but the end of the world. Hell, it's coming for them anyway. Don't rush it pal.
Two other elderly gentlemen just about put me to sleep. Let me give you the conversation and try to stay awake. "Uh, gas went up again Earl...yep, 14 cents overnight." "Yeah, Im getting my oil changed next week, think Im gonna try that synthetic oil this time." "Hey, it's 11, the coffee just got changed out, it's fresh. I'm gonna get a cup." Please, put a pillow over my head and push till I don't fight anymore if i know when the coffee is gonna be fresh at Panera...please.
It's funny, but if my Grandfather was alive, this would be Mecca for him, so I shouldn't make too much fun.
If you are a moron, please stay away from me. I cannot help you. some idiot came up to me and asked me if I could help him jump his car off. No problem. I grab my cables and ask him where his car is. Im at Panera in Cleveland.....Paul Huff Parkway.....across from the Mall....or as I call it the gigantic waste of space that should be a golf course...a school....anything but a crappy Kmart. Can you imagine a Mall that doesn't have an arcade...wait, neither does Hamilton Place. Where can a guy get some Galaga in........Id would love to play some Mortal Combat.
Two girls are sitting across from me talking about guys. Guess what, they are bitching. From what I understand, Girl #1 is upset because her man hates Grey's Anatomy and wants to watch football all weekend. Do I need to comment on that? She's not my type anyway. Girl #2 is upset because her sweetie brought her flowers, chocolates, and a DVD for her anniversary. Excuse me, but it's a down economy...I see no ring of any kind. She should be thankful. Of course, I would have taken my girlfriend of two weeks to Hawaii first class. Question though, what did she get him? I know what he wanted....bet he didn't get it.
Ok...you cannot eat a breadbowl with a plastic fork......I think Ill just start carrying silverware around. damn it.....I can't hear a thing right now and a buzzer went off at the next table. They should swap out pacemakers for these things.
Uh oh....just spotted a dude use his water cup and put coke in it.....should I rat him out. Nah, he deserves it. He's gotta try and get thru that breadbowl.....
Have a good day to all. If you read these, I appreciate it and any feedback...good or bad is welcome....just make it good.
Clayyyy
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
First Date Part Deux!!!
Ok...so I've now been on a date thanks to a singles site. I met (online) a very nice girl name Leah last night. We chatted for what seems like hours and after determining that neither one of us were serial killers, we decided to go out this afternoon.
I was under the impression that taking a girl to a movie was not a good call on a first date...or at least that was the advice I was given. Well, that's not entirely true. Leah wanted to see a scary movie and "The Stepfather"was the best I could find. I didn't like it as much as the original, but I was entertained.
Of course the real story is just trying to to get through these first dates. This makes the second one I have been on fairly recently, and I think I'm getting a little bit better. We met at the Rave and everything went good. About halfway thru I made my big move. Yeah, I reached over and we held hands. I know....Im a stud.
Any attempt for me to do anything is bound to end up in some sort of disaster. This time, after getting gas, I left my wallet on top of the gas pump. We ended up at the Mall and walked around. I even did some shopping....not for me...but I was looking at women's handbags for a little bit. Thank GOD, she did not ask me my opinion because they all looked bad to me. How does a woman select a bag anyway. I understand that it is an accessory and all....sure, match the bag with what you're wearing, but as I take a look around, I notice that's not necessarily the main option. Is it a status thing? Who knows? My wallet, when not lost, just goes in my pocket. Girls....forget the Rosetta Stone or the Holy Grail, women are the greatest mystery of all time.
After shopping, we headed to Chili's for a very nice lunch. Leah and I have quite a bit in common. She's been thru the ringer pretty good and is sweet as soda pop (Rocky Top reference) and was very sweet as I got quite embarrassed for losing my wallet. Nope, I did not have to wash dishes, but I just went back with my money. Should I get one of those chains that go from your wallet to your beltloop. Would that give me some Testosterone points? Im telling you, if things don't go well, Im getting a Harley...and ADIOS!!!
The best martini's by the way are the ones that a bartender chills the glass.....uses a very high grade of Vodka (Belvedere is the best, but Stoli or the Goose work as well) makes it dirty as hell and loads it up with olives. Piss on that Cosmopolitan crap. Sour Apple? James Bond would vomit all over his Versace tuxedo. Just my opinion though. But, I digress.
Leah told me that she would like to see me again. Of course, she was probably being nice, but I will take it. Kind of like my serve in tennis or my jumper in basketball...as with dating, both are getting better....sharper, and more likely to find it's mark.
Going to Birmingham tomorrow to see a big bad Brain doctor...He will probably look at it and just laugh. Either way, I will have a good idea of what lies next soon. Wish me luck.
Hope everyone is doing OK.
Love to all,
Clayyyyyy
I was under the impression that taking a girl to a movie was not a good call on a first date...or at least that was the advice I was given. Well, that's not entirely true. Leah wanted to see a scary movie and "The Stepfather"was the best I could find. I didn't like it as much as the original, but I was entertained.
Of course the real story is just trying to to get through these first dates. This makes the second one I have been on fairly recently, and I think I'm getting a little bit better. We met at the Rave and everything went good. About halfway thru I made my big move. Yeah, I reached over and we held hands. I know....Im a stud.
Any attempt for me to do anything is bound to end up in some sort of disaster. This time, after getting gas, I left my wallet on top of the gas pump. We ended up at the Mall and walked around. I even did some shopping....not for me...but I was looking at women's handbags for a little bit. Thank GOD, she did not ask me my opinion because they all looked bad to me. How does a woman select a bag anyway. I understand that it is an accessory and all....sure, match the bag with what you're wearing, but as I take a look around, I notice that's not necessarily the main option. Is it a status thing? Who knows? My wallet, when not lost, just goes in my pocket. Girls....forget the Rosetta Stone or the Holy Grail, women are the greatest mystery of all time.
After shopping, we headed to Chili's for a very nice lunch. Leah and I have quite a bit in common. She's been thru the ringer pretty good and is sweet as soda pop (Rocky Top reference) and was very sweet as I got quite embarrassed for losing my wallet. Nope, I did not have to wash dishes, but I just went back with my money. Should I get one of those chains that go from your wallet to your beltloop. Would that give me some Testosterone points? Im telling you, if things don't go well, Im getting a Harley...and ADIOS!!!
The best martini's by the way are the ones that a bartender chills the glass.....uses a very high grade of Vodka (Belvedere is the best, but Stoli or the Goose work as well) makes it dirty as hell and loads it up with olives. Piss on that Cosmopolitan crap. Sour Apple? James Bond would vomit all over his Versace tuxedo. Just my opinion though. But, I digress.
Leah told me that she would like to see me again. Of course, she was probably being nice, but I will take it. Kind of like my serve in tennis or my jumper in basketball...as with dating, both are getting better....sharper, and more likely to find it's mark.
Going to Birmingham tomorrow to see a big bad Brain doctor...He will probably look at it and just laugh. Either way, I will have a good idea of what lies next soon. Wish me luck.
Hope everyone is doing OK.
Love to all,
Clayyyyyy
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Dentist Office
If I have to tell one more person that I got my teeth knocked out by a golf ball....well........it is funny. I'd laugh.
Those poor dental assistants were so sweet today, but Im sure I made their Top 10 all time. The dentist was nonplussed. Im sure he's seen it all. Anyway, it was an interesting day.
Id rather clean toilets at a rest stop than go thru Dental hell. I had 5 people with their hands in my mouth at one time or another today. Am I a porn star? No, Im not equipped that way, but the taste of latex in your grill is so bad.
Of course I get the assistant that can't operate the little vacuum cleaner thing right. I nearly lost my tongue twice. You can't say anything because the dentist is in elbow deep in your mouth. Suck Suckerson. I really shouldn't complain, it only cost me $2180....I didn't even get a toothbrush. Hell, my kid gets a toothbrush. I should have gotten one gold plated for that kind of moolah.
At any rate, I no longer look like a rabid beaver. They did a great job. It feels a little funny, but that's ok. The new thing with dentistry is "Sedation Dentistry." Well, besides the invention of woman, this was up there. I get to my appt at 1215 and these nice ladies give me three pills. I scoff at these things. I don't sedate easily...and I tried to tell them. They were so confident Id pass out in my own drool, but it didnt happen. By 2, I was still very alert......so they just kept giving me these things. Nine total. Something called Tegretol....or something.
Well, nine did it. I has to be woken up in the dentists chair 2 hours later. They were like..."Mr. Chavis, are you OK?" My response was..."give me a pillow" I never knew what they were doing. They could have stripped me naked and took pictures (doubtful though) I woke up with a brand new set of toofers. It only took 5 hours to handle it.
Im very happy to be able to be seen in public again. I can't whistle as well as when I was a Clampett, but those are the breaks. No, unless you saw it yourself I did not take any pictures. Sorry.
Im really looking forward to this weekend......Im going to go see a movie tomorrow afternoon....then my favorite pastime (cold beer and something to read) Saturday, is football of course....and Im going to a big Chili cookoff Sunday. Man, Im going to tear it up.
My sadistic side wishes Bonnie was still around because Im going to raise the threat level to Orange after all that. Oh....I forgot. Poor Willie. Well, he farts on me all the time, so tough titty. The cookoff is at 11-4 and it's for a good cause. Check it out. Just don't stand close to me.
Love to all,
Dr. Clayton
Those poor dental assistants were so sweet today, but Im sure I made their Top 10 all time. The dentist was nonplussed. Im sure he's seen it all. Anyway, it was an interesting day.
Id rather clean toilets at a rest stop than go thru Dental hell. I had 5 people with their hands in my mouth at one time or another today. Am I a porn star? No, Im not equipped that way, but the taste of latex in your grill is so bad.
Of course I get the assistant that can't operate the little vacuum cleaner thing right. I nearly lost my tongue twice. You can't say anything because the dentist is in elbow deep in your mouth. Suck Suckerson. I really shouldn't complain, it only cost me $2180....I didn't even get a toothbrush. Hell, my kid gets a toothbrush. I should have gotten one gold plated for that kind of moolah.
At any rate, I no longer look like a rabid beaver. They did a great job. It feels a little funny, but that's ok. The new thing with dentistry is "Sedation Dentistry." Well, besides the invention of woman, this was up there. I get to my appt at 1215 and these nice ladies give me three pills. I scoff at these things. I don't sedate easily...and I tried to tell them. They were so confident Id pass out in my own drool, but it didnt happen. By 2, I was still very alert......so they just kept giving me these things. Nine total. Something called Tegretol....or something.
Well, nine did it. I has to be woken up in the dentists chair 2 hours later. They were like..."Mr. Chavis, are you OK?" My response was..."give me a pillow" I never knew what they were doing. They could have stripped me naked and took pictures (doubtful though) I woke up with a brand new set of toofers. It only took 5 hours to handle it.
Im very happy to be able to be seen in public again. I can't whistle as well as when I was a Clampett, but those are the breaks. No, unless you saw it yourself I did not take any pictures. Sorry.
Im really looking forward to this weekend......Im going to go see a movie tomorrow afternoon....then my favorite pastime (cold beer and something to read) Saturday, is football of course....and Im going to a big Chili cookoff Sunday. Man, Im going to tear it up.
My sadistic side wishes Bonnie was still around because Im going to raise the threat level to Orange after all that. Oh....I forgot. Poor Willie. Well, he farts on me all the time, so tough titty. The cookoff is at 11-4 and it's for a good cause. Check it out. Just don't stand close to me.
Love to all,
Dr. Clayton
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Update time....
Yes, the life and times of Clay....so interesting I know, but it's 240am and Im bored and wide ass awake (go figure)
So, let's chat.
I spent three days in the hospital last weekend due to being assaulted by a Top Flite golf ball. What the hell man? Talk about a perfect storm. Here is a microcosm of my world. I get a hair up my bum to go play golf Sunday afternoon. It was a nice day, I know a guy that lets me play for free sometimes and Ive been swinging pretty good lately. I actually broke 90 two weeks ago. So, I drive to Harrison bay...load up and tee it up.
Yall remember "Road Runner" cartoons....that kinda sums it up. Im Wile E. Coyote though. Im on the third hole....after I yanked one left and am standing over my ball in the woods trying to figure out if I can do anything put pick the damn thing up and throw it out in the fairway...when BOOOOOOM. My initial thought was that sniper fire and rang out and some girl that I screwed over had finally gotten their revenge...no. Some idiot hit a little white ball exactly into my grill. Yeah....I went down like "Glass Joe." Next thing I remember, Im laying in the woods staring up at the sky.
Initial reaction....was something like this....anyone who knows me knows this is EXACTLY what i would do. I got up.....stumbled to my golf cart, and was enroute to stick my driver up somebody's ass. But, before I could even turn the cart around, I look down and notice that my shirt is bloody....upon further inspection, my front tooth is GONE. The other front tooth's crown was loose and I had bitten my tongue.
Ok, what to do? It had not struck me yet that I had my bell rung at all.....I go back to where I was and start looking for teeth. Don't ask. Needless to say, either I could not find it...or I shall "pass" it soon.
Anyway, I go to hospital via ambulance and I have a concussion. The rest is just a hot mess. Concusssions suck. My head feels like I shot an entire bottle of Patron with a straw, backed up with lighter fluid and Ive turned my apartment into something Howard Hughes would like. My eyes ACHE in the light right now. Of course, the swelling will go down, but ouchy. I have a newfound respect for Tim Tebow. A buddy told me today that he's had five of these things. Im good with one...thanks.
Ive had a splinter the size of a ball bat lodged in my butt once....I got bit in the face by a german shepard. I tore my right finger off on a trampoline.....Im the only person I know that's had Scarlet Fever.....and my personal favorite is when broke my nose attempting to impress a girl by jumping over a tennis net. These are the reasons I stay away from the lottery...and don't go out when it's lightning.
Music tonight......right now. Bob Marley. If you don't know Bob, shame on you. What a terrific soul...and lyrics. Truly a poet.
Got some good news today....Ive been hired to tutor the youth of today. Yep, I will be going into some public schools (Alton Park and Brainerd) and teaching English and helping with those that have problems writing. Im looking forward to taking the car topper off my car and not worrying about being robbed for a Meat Lovers and some Wings. Sheesh. I know what you're thinking. "Clay Chavis influencing young minds?" That's some scary shit, right. Don't fret my pets, Im not teaching anyone about money, women, or Math. The kids should be safe.
I was unable to get to that follow up date Sunday night. Can you imagine? "Uh, Im sorry I stood you up. I got hit in the face with a golf ball" She was very understanding. Im very amused that some of you...and you know who you are...are guessing who the mystery lady is. Well, here are some hints. Besides, being a Facebook pal, she was a cheerleader.....a UT fan....and is very athletic. Ill buy lunch to the first person to guess.
Poor Willie. He was here for 3 days without me. He won't leave my side now. I think he can tell I don't feel very well. He's so sweet. He jumped in the shower this morning. Dumb ass....I went ahead and gave him a bath at that point. I bet he won't do that again. Of course, Ive been cleaning poop since I got home, but that's OK. Im just glad he's OK. Some very special people came by and made sure he had food and water while I was incapacitated. He's licking my foot right now....Stop it.
Things are about to change for me....drastically. Not sure yet, but I think something radical is coming up. Im really sorry, but Im just not cut out for this "just getting older" thing. Maybe Ill sell my car....and everything I own....and get a Harley. Damn it...I don't know how to ride.
If I could be anyone in the world.....fictionally that is. I would be a combination of "Hank Moody" from Californication and Larry David from "Curb your Enthusiasm" I like their style. Of course, it would be cool to be a Vampire too, but not one of those pussy vampires from the "Twilight" books or those pansies from "True Blood." I'd be and old school bad ass. You know....seduce women..and then turn into a bat. Talk about a great way to get out of a relationship. I don't know many ladies that want to date a bat.
Ok....single sites are crap. Ive seen my matches from Match.com. Uh....I don't think so.
To those that I have offended the past few days.......up yours. Ive been apologizing for my behavior forever. Im done with that. What you see is what your gonna get. Im going to tell it like it is. I don't know why I allowed myself to become this weakling, but that stops now. It does me no good to act like a good boy. Im just not. Im an ass, but in my defense, I acknowledge it. So, if I see you and you put on a show.....Im gonna bust your ass...and after Im done, you would probably rather I had just kicked you in the groin because my tongue is as sharp as a sword. Let this be a warning. Again, you know who you are.
I havent spoken of football in a while, so let me summarize briefly. Alabama is awesome. We will kill UT. Talk about roadkill. My Cowboys suck and I hate Tony Blowmo. That's it.
Emmamonster will be here for Halloween. She will be nine, but I told her she could dress up if she wants. I know Im going to. Watch out...Ill steal your candy.
Ive got a lot more, but I know for a fact that everything in moderation. Oh...the weight count is 61 pounds lost. I have found it's not quite so bad to see myself naked. I need a tan though. Think on that!!!
Love to those who love, the rest. Fish heads to all of you.
Ta ta,
Clavis
So, let's chat.
I spent three days in the hospital last weekend due to being assaulted by a Top Flite golf ball. What the hell man? Talk about a perfect storm. Here is a microcosm of my world. I get a hair up my bum to go play golf Sunday afternoon. It was a nice day, I know a guy that lets me play for free sometimes and Ive been swinging pretty good lately. I actually broke 90 two weeks ago. So, I drive to Harrison bay...load up and tee it up.
Yall remember "Road Runner" cartoons....that kinda sums it up. Im Wile E. Coyote though. Im on the third hole....after I yanked one left and am standing over my ball in the woods trying to figure out if I can do anything put pick the damn thing up and throw it out in the fairway...when BOOOOOOM. My initial thought was that sniper fire and rang out and some girl that I screwed over had finally gotten their revenge...no. Some idiot hit a little white ball exactly into my grill. Yeah....I went down like "Glass Joe." Next thing I remember, Im laying in the woods staring up at the sky.
Initial reaction....was something like this....anyone who knows me knows this is EXACTLY what i would do. I got up.....stumbled to my golf cart, and was enroute to stick my driver up somebody's ass. But, before I could even turn the cart around, I look down and notice that my shirt is bloody....upon further inspection, my front tooth is GONE. The other front tooth's crown was loose and I had bitten my tongue.
Ok, what to do? It had not struck me yet that I had my bell rung at all.....I go back to where I was and start looking for teeth. Don't ask. Needless to say, either I could not find it...or I shall "pass" it soon.
Anyway, I go to hospital via ambulance and I have a concussion. The rest is just a hot mess. Concusssions suck. My head feels like I shot an entire bottle of Patron with a straw, backed up with lighter fluid and Ive turned my apartment into something Howard Hughes would like. My eyes ACHE in the light right now. Of course, the swelling will go down, but ouchy. I have a newfound respect for Tim Tebow. A buddy told me today that he's had five of these things. Im good with one...thanks.
Ive had a splinter the size of a ball bat lodged in my butt once....I got bit in the face by a german shepard. I tore my right finger off on a trampoline.....Im the only person I know that's had Scarlet Fever.....and my personal favorite is when broke my nose attempting to impress a girl by jumping over a tennis net. These are the reasons I stay away from the lottery...and don't go out when it's lightning.
Music tonight......right now. Bob Marley. If you don't know Bob, shame on you. What a terrific soul...and lyrics. Truly a poet.
Got some good news today....Ive been hired to tutor the youth of today. Yep, I will be going into some public schools (Alton Park and Brainerd) and teaching English and helping with those that have problems writing. Im looking forward to taking the car topper off my car and not worrying about being robbed for a Meat Lovers and some Wings. Sheesh. I know what you're thinking. "Clay Chavis influencing young minds?" That's some scary shit, right. Don't fret my pets, Im not teaching anyone about money, women, or Math. The kids should be safe.
I was unable to get to that follow up date Sunday night. Can you imagine? "Uh, Im sorry I stood you up. I got hit in the face with a golf ball" She was very understanding. Im very amused that some of you...and you know who you are...are guessing who the mystery lady is. Well, here are some hints. Besides, being a Facebook pal, she was a cheerleader.....a UT fan....and is very athletic. Ill buy lunch to the first person to guess.
Poor Willie. He was here for 3 days without me. He won't leave my side now. I think he can tell I don't feel very well. He's so sweet. He jumped in the shower this morning. Dumb ass....I went ahead and gave him a bath at that point. I bet he won't do that again. Of course, Ive been cleaning poop since I got home, but that's OK. Im just glad he's OK. Some very special people came by and made sure he had food and water while I was incapacitated. He's licking my foot right now....Stop it.
Things are about to change for me....drastically. Not sure yet, but I think something radical is coming up. Im really sorry, but Im just not cut out for this "just getting older" thing. Maybe Ill sell my car....and everything I own....and get a Harley. Damn it...I don't know how to ride.
If I could be anyone in the world.....fictionally that is. I would be a combination of "Hank Moody" from Californication and Larry David from "Curb your Enthusiasm" I like their style. Of course, it would be cool to be a Vampire too, but not one of those pussy vampires from the "Twilight" books or those pansies from "True Blood." I'd be and old school bad ass. You know....seduce women..and then turn into a bat. Talk about a great way to get out of a relationship. I don't know many ladies that want to date a bat.
Ok....single sites are crap. Ive seen my matches from Match.com. Uh....I don't think so.
To those that I have offended the past few days.......up yours. Ive been apologizing for my behavior forever. Im done with that. What you see is what your gonna get. Im going to tell it like it is. I don't know why I allowed myself to become this weakling, but that stops now. It does me no good to act like a good boy. Im just not. Im an ass, but in my defense, I acknowledge it. So, if I see you and you put on a show.....Im gonna bust your ass...and after Im done, you would probably rather I had just kicked you in the groin because my tongue is as sharp as a sword. Let this be a warning. Again, you know who you are.
I havent spoken of football in a while, so let me summarize briefly. Alabama is awesome. We will kill UT. Talk about roadkill. My Cowboys suck and I hate Tony Blowmo. That's it.
Emmamonster will be here for Halloween. She will be nine, but I told her she could dress up if she wants. I know Im going to. Watch out...Ill steal your candy.
Ive got a lot more, but I know for a fact that everything in moderation. Oh...the weight count is 61 pounds lost. I have found it's not quite so bad to see myself naked. I need a tan though. Think on that!!!
Love to those who love, the rest. Fish heads to all of you.
Ta ta,
Clavis
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Date Story...for real
So, a Rabbi walks into a bar.....
First of all, I must say that this is what I hope of many first dates. I had a long term girlfriend in high school...had a long relationship after high school...then got married...then got divorced, but right back into a long relationship. SO, for all practical purposes, I have not been single since George Bush SENIOR was in office....or maybe Reagan. SO, wish me luck. Im going to have a lot of fun. I get down to my playing weight....look out.
Ok....so Im at Pint Night at Fox and Hound this past Tuesday. I was sitting in the back with my customary "snakebite." Its a mixture of Woodchuck Cider and Bass Ale for those not in the know. Try it. It will cure what ails you. Ive got my head in a magazine and my laptop is humming close by just in case I miss a Facebook "status" or Jonathan Crompton just threw another interception. Sorry, that was mean.
It's not totally uncommon to see someone you know at Fox and Hound. Hell, where else you gonna go? I wore glasses and a hat...not shaven either, so I was not planning on chatting anyone up. That's when it happens...every single fucking time. **Its my blog, so I can cuss**
I cannot believe who it is. I had the biggest crush on this girl. I mean it was an epic crush. She went to Cleveland and is younger than me...but not by much. Blue eyes....pretty smile...and to quote Axel Rose "her hair reminded me of a warm safe place where as a child I would hide.........Yes, corny, but who in the hell gets a second chance at glory....right? So, I make the perfunctory glances around to do some recon. Ok....no wedding ring. No boyfriend in sight. She's drinking a beer....Well, I couldn't think of a better opportunity to try.
So, I introduce myself and to my pleasure she recogonized me. Lots of questions followed and all that and we hung out for about an hour, but I had to get home. I asked for her phone number and we decided we would hang out Sunday. I told her Id call her Friday.
I call her up Friday about 6......dissuading the many opinions that were given to me. Most of the guys told me to wait days...up to 7. Sorry, I don't have that kind of patience. I was fortunate not to call her at lunch. Impatience=Impulsivity
We made some small talk and I could tell that I was drowning fast so I threw a change up. I said, "hey, all we are doing is sitting here on a Friday night, let's go have a drink." Expecting, "nah, Im in my pajama pants (get it) and Gilmore Girls is on (get it) she said, Ok, where?
Of all the things out of my mouth I said....Bowling. Even Willie covered his eyes with his ears. I could hear all my coolness wheez out of my butt....but no. She said,
yeah, we can get a beer and hang out...and I can kick your ass." Oh, be still my heart
As I left the house, I just wanted to make sure I had socks...socks..socks.....socks....Ok...she beat me to the place, has her shoes, has paid for the game, and is measuring the weight of which ball she's gonna whip me at. Im starting to think....."I know I played sports with this girl some, but I don't remember torturing her like others" Anywhoo, I scored a respectable 111 (for me) She scored 120. I hate losing...so friggin much. I nearly lost my concentration on the reason I was there, but I regained my exposure, bought the giant pretzels as that was the agreed upon wager, and got back in the game.
She had a lot to say. Which is good I think. I mainly acted like a reporter...asking open ended questions like.."Oh, and what did you think about that" or "Tell me about that other thing" I was in no hurry to chat. Im always cognizant of conversations steering themselves my way. My sister will tell you. You just want to jump ship.
Finally, i came up and I brought the big guns. Yep, a picture of Emma. No two ways about it, I will have no problem using my child's beauty when I need to. She gets stuff from me. I jest, but when this fabulous, independent, beautiful woman said..."She's very pretty, and so cute...just like her Daddy." At that point, I was like the Australian Rules Football guy....you know the one that stands there for a second and then points two fingers straight out. TOUCHDOWN.
After 2 beers and another pretzel, we left. I walked her to her car...and we leaned against opposite cars for a little while. We were having that weird chat....i made some bad jokes and finally she goes.."well, I gotta go home, are you going to kiss me or what?" I love 2009. I said, "yes, mam" took a big gulp and laid one on her. I have pretty big lips, so I don't do a lot of tongue stuff, but we were on the same page.
The best part, that UNBELIEVABLE feeling you get when you first kiss someone....It's alive and well people. Make your knees buckle. She gave me a follow up peck on the cheek and I will see her Sunday.
Ive sat on my hump all day glistening in the glory. Who could blame me? You? Screw you!
By the way, this entire story was fiction.........
nah.
love yall!!
First of all, I must say that this is what I hope of many first dates. I had a long term girlfriend in high school...had a long relationship after high school...then got married...then got divorced, but right back into a long relationship. SO, for all practical purposes, I have not been single since George Bush SENIOR was in office....or maybe Reagan. SO, wish me luck. Im going to have a lot of fun. I get down to my playing weight....look out.
Ok....so Im at Pint Night at Fox and Hound this past Tuesday. I was sitting in the back with my customary "snakebite." Its a mixture of Woodchuck Cider and Bass Ale for those not in the know. Try it. It will cure what ails you. Ive got my head in a magazine and my laptop is humming close by just in case I miss a Facebook "status" or Jonathan Crompton just threw another interception. Sorry, that was mean.
It's not totally uncommon to see someone you know at Fox and Hound. Hell, where else you gonna go? I wore glasses and a hat...not shaven either, so I was not planning on chatting anyone up. That's when it happens...every single fucking time. **Its my blog, so I can cuss**
I cannot believe who it is. I had the biggest crush on this girl. I mean it was an epic crush. She went to Cleveland and is younger than me...but not by much. Blue eyes....pretty smile...and to quote Axel Rose "her hair reminded me of a warm safe place where as a child I would hide.........Yes, corny, but who in the hell gets a second chance at glory....right? So, I make the perfunctory glances around to do some recon. Ok....no wedding ring. No boyfriend in sight. She's drinking a beer....Well, I couldn't think of a better opportunity to try.
So, I introduce myself and to my pleasure she recogonized me. Lots of questions followed and all that and we hung out for about an hour, but I had to get home. I asked for her phone number and we decided we would hang out Sunday. I told her Id call her Friday.
I call her up Friday about 6......dissuading the many opinions that were given to me. Most of the guys told me to wait days...up to 7. Sorry, I don't have that kind of patience. I was fortunate not to call her at lunch. Impatience=Impulsivity
We made some small talk and I could tell that I was drowning fast so I threw a change up. I said, "hey, all we are doing is sitting here on a Friday night, let's go have a drink." Expecting, "nah, Im in my pajama pants (get it) and Gilmore Girls is on (get it) she said, Ok, where?
Of all the things out of my mouth I said....Bowling. Even Willie covered his eyes with his ears. I could hear all my coolness wheez out of my butt....but no. She said,
yeah, we can get a beer and hang out...and I can kick your ass." Oh, be still my heart
As I left the house, I just wanted to make sure I had socks...socks..socks.....socks....Ok...she beat me to the place, has her shoes, has paid for the game, and is measuring the weight of which ball she's gonna whip me at. Im starting to think....."I know I played sports with this girl some, but I don't remember torturing her like others" Anywhoo, I scored a respectable 111 (for me) She scored 120. I hate losing...so friggin much. I nearly lost my concentration on the reason I was there, but I regained my exposure, bought the giant pretzels as that was the agreed upon wager, and got back in the game.
She had a lot to say. Which is good I think. I mainly acted like a reporter...asking open ended questions like.."Oh, and what did you think about that" or "Tell me about that other thing" I was in no hurry to chat. Im always cognizant of conversations steering themselves my way. My sister will tell you. You just want to jump ship.
Finally, i came up and I brought the big guns. Yep, a picture of Emma. No two ways about it, I will have no problem using my child's beauty when I need to. She gets stuff from me. I jest, but when this fabulous, independent, beautiful woman said..."She's very pretty, and so cute...just like her Daddy." At that point, I was like the Australian Rules Football guy....you know the one that stands there for a second and then points two fingers straight out. TOUCHDOWN.
After 2 beers and another pretzel, we left. I walked her to her car...and we leaned against opposite cars for a little while. We were having that weird chat....i made some bad jokes and finally she goes.."well, I gotta go home, are you going to kiss me or what?" I love 2009. I said, "yes, mam" took a big gulp and laid one on her. I have pretty big lips, so I don't do a lot of tongue stuff, but we were on the same page.
The best part, that UNBELIEVABLE feeling you get when you first kiss someone....It's alive and well people. Make your knees buckle. She gave me a follow up peck on the cheek and I will see her Sunday.
Ive sat on my hump all day glistening in the glory. Who could blame me? You? Screw you!
By the way, this entire story was fiction.........
nah.
love yall!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I am surrounded by youth and energy....
I’m in my thirties, I am divorced, and have an 8 year old little girl named Emma. I came back to school to settle an old score you could say. My point being is that as I walk among you, my mind is filled with questions about what is it like to be 18 again.
I know what you’re thinking. I’m the guy that sits in the front of the class, with hand up. Always the guy who has to bother the Professor about something. Yeah, I think that too. I can’t stand those guys either, but I’m in the back.
The perspective of an “adult” student is really about different things. I cannot speak for everyone, but I feel as I have something to prove. I wonder how an undergrad in their 20’s feel s about that. I just think yall are having fun…a lot of fun.
As the first weeks of class gets cranked up and the weather starts to turn (ever so slowly), maybe take a look around and wonder what all that student has going on. Being a college student is hard I have learned. We are almost all poor, we have to get up in the morning, and the food in the UC is, well Ok.
There is more though. I want to give a shout out to all of us that are working full or part time jobs, juggling kids or marriages. I want to holler out for those might be like me and feel out of place. Like an alien.
Hey, every student I have come across or dealt with has been great, and I have no worries. The thing is that their doesn’t seem to be niche for us. Perhaps, we could pull together and start a fraternity. Oh, I forgot. My daughter has tap class those nights.
I’m not one of those people that complain about “today’s youth.”
Hey, I’m cool. I voted for Obama and believe this world needs to be fixed. I think that my only advantage over my peers that walk by me in halls is that I have gained years. It’s kinda like a time machine at UTC for me. I’m not wise, but have wisdom. You can’t get older without gaining experience, and experience leads to knowledge.
Knowledge some of you don’t have yet. I’m only talking about roofing your house and stuff, but you get my point. Hey, I really should be quiet. I get told I look a lot younger. I think it is because I moisturize, or perhaps the tea tree shampoo.
To all my classmates, I look forward to this chapter in my life. I got to bring my kid to UTC this summer to see “Daddy’s school.” I was proud that she was impressed. I am proud to be here.
I know what you’re thinking. I’m the guy that sits in the front of the class, with hand up. Always the guy who has to bother the Professor about something. Yeah, I think that too. I can’t stand those guys either, but I’m in the back.
The perspective of an “adult” student is really about different things. I cannot speak for everyone, but I feel as I have something to prove. I wonder how an undergrad in their 20’s feel s about that. I just think yall are having fun…a lot of fun.
As the first weeks of class gets cranked up and the weather starts to turn (ever so slowly), maybe take a look around and wonder what all that student has going on. Being a college student is hard I have learned. We are almost all poor, we have to get up in the morning, and the food in the UC is, well Ok.
There is more though. I want to give a shout out to all of us that are working full or part time jobs, juggling kids or marriages. I want to holler out for those might be like me and feel out of place. Like an alien.
Hey, every student I have come across or dealt with has been great, and I have no worries. The thing is that their doesn’t seem to be niche for us. Perhaps, we could pull together and start a fraternity. Oh, I forgot. My daughter has tap class those nights.
I’m not one of those people that complain about “today’s youth.”
Hey, I’m cool. I voted for Obama and believe this world needs to be fixed. I think that my only advantage over my peers that walk by me in halls is that I have gained years. It’s kinda like a time machine at UTC for me. I’m not wise, but have wisdom. You can’t get older without gaining experience, and experience leads to knowledge.
Knowledge some of you don’t have yet. I’m only talking about roofing your house and stuff, but you get my point. Hey, I really should be quiet. I get told I look a lot younger. I think it is because I moisturize, or perhaps the tea tree shampoo.
To all my classmates, I look forward to this chapter in my life. I got to bring my kid to UTC this summer to see “Daddy’s school.” I was proud that she was impressed. I am proud to be here.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Just hours away now....
"Old man take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you." "Love lost such a cost, give me things that won't get lost."- Neil Young
The hardest thing in the world to do is to try not to cry. Go ahead. You know what I mean. Something sad is happening, maybe a funeral. Whatever. You are trying to do all you can to hold back tears, but they flow down the side of your cheek nonetheless. My personal Kryptonite is to hear "Amazing Grace" played on the backpipes. Niagara Falls everytime.
See, I'm a cryer, and I just lost it out on the back porch a few minutes ago. Emma's departure is just hours away and I really am not ready for it at all. I'm a hot mess. She was hollering for me a few minutes ago while in the shower. She had a huge knot in her hair and it just would not come out. By the time I got to here, she was yelling, "Daddy, I want to cut it all off." So, I asked her for the conditioner and she told me "I used it all Daddy, it's all gone, please cut it off." So, I jumped into the shower with her with my hairbrush and together we pulled and strained to get that knot out. I was lost....I was thinking that my next step would be peanut butter or mayonaise. What do I know about girl's hair? Finally, the knot came loose and the patient survived. Im pretty sure Emma's scalp will be sore for a while, but them's the breaks.
When Emma leaves, I'm going to be so alone, or at least it's gonna feel that way. I know how this dance goes. Ill spend the entire day in the bed, and probably the whole night as well. My thought process will be something like...."Did she have fun?" "Did I do enough to make her happy" "Will she miss me?" "Will she want to come back next year?" "Does she love me?"
Yeah, I know. Pretty stupid questions, but Im pretty stupid. Life is so cruel. Why must I lose so much? Why do I have to feel such absolute pain? It's not fair. The only thing I can take from it is that I appreciate what I have more now than then, but it is a sickening feeling to say goodbye to my child. The thought of food makes me want to Ralph all over my desk.
Am I a good father? Am I? How will I ever know? Right now, I feel like a failure. It's been a good summer, but I can't remember anything. All I can foresee is handing Emma back to her Mom and the uncertainty that will follow. Hence, the fact that Im listening to Neil Young.
Talk to yall later.
Clay
The hardest thing in the world to do is to try not to cry. Go ahead. You know what I mean. Something sad is happening, maybe a funeral. Whatever. You are trying to do all you can to hold back tears, but they flow down the side of your cheek nonetheless. My personal Kryptonite is to hear "Amazing Grace" played on the backpipes. Niagara Falls everytime.
See, I'm a cryer, and I just lost it out on the back porch a few minutes ago. Emma's departure is just hours away and I really am not ready for it at all. I'm a hot mess. She was hollering for me a few minutes ago while in the shower. She had a huge knot in her hair and it just would not come out. By the time I got to here, she was yelling, "Daddy, I want to cut it all off." So, I asked her for the conditioner and she told me "I used it all Daddy, it's all gone, please cut it off." So, I jumped into the shower with her with my hairbrush and together we pulled and strained to get that knot out. I was lost....I was thinking that my next step would be peanut butter or mayonaise. What do I know about girl's hair? Finally, the knot came loose and the patient survived. Im pretty sure Emma's scalp will be sore for a while, but them's the breaks.
When Emma leaves, I'm going to be so alone, or at least it's gonna feel that way. I know how this dance goes. Ill spend the entire day in the bed, and probably the whole night as well. My thought process will be something like...."Did she have fun?" "Did I do enough to make her happy" "Will she miss me?" "Will she want to come back next year?" "Does she love me?"
Yeah, I know. Pretty stupid questions, but Im pretty stupid. Life is so cruel. Why must I lose so much? Why do I have to feel such absolute pain? It's not fair. The only thing I can take from it is that I appreciate what I have more now than then, but it is a sickening feeling to say goodbye to my child. The thought of food makes me want to Ralph all over my desk.
Am I a good father? Am I? How will I ever know? Right now, I feel like a failure. It's been a good summer, but I can't remember anything. All I can foresee is handing Emma back to her Mom and the uncertainty that will follow. Hence, the fact that Im listening to Neil Young.
Talk to yall later.
Clay
Monday, August 3, 2009
First Dates are special....
Hey folks. I went on my first date since my break-up and I think it went pretty well. Here, I'll tell you about it, and we will see.
Technically, this is the first date-date I have been on since 1995. See, I met my ex-wife Debbie in September of 1995. We dated, got engaged, then married...and finally divorced in March of 2004. In May of 2005, I met Bonnie and we hit it off and we were practically inseparable until 3 weeks ago, when she broke up with me. So, it's been 14 years since I've had a real first date. Bonnie and I just found each other, had a whirlwind romance, and ended up living together. It was love at lightspeed, if you will.
Anywhooo. To protect the innocent, Im not going to name names or get into whether I'm on the rebound or not. I felt like asking this girl out, and wanted to go to dinner and a movie. No strings attached. Just dinner and a movie. The last thing I am looking for right now is to get into a relationship. Im still raw and miss Bonnie, so I need to be careful. But, hey....Im just 35, and even though Im tough to deal with, I have a lot to offer. Why not??
First dates are always so complicated. I had to summon up the courage to ask this young lady (she's younger than me) out on a date, and not look stupid or desperate at the same time. I wanted her to relax and have a good time. I wanted to avoid serious conversations and awkward moments or course, but I wanted to feel loose enough to be my charming self (Im so full of shit). My number one goal was to make her laugh. After that was accomplished, I figured it would be like riding a bike.
When I called her up Friday and she said she was go, I asked her if she would like to check out a flick, and maybe dinner before, or coffee afterwards. Even though the last time I did this, Bill Clinton was our President, I still felt this was a safe choice and I would be able to avoid total disaster.
So, I ironed my shirt, combed my hair, and even put on a little cologne. I must admit, I was so nervous. She let me know that she would meet me at the theatre and wanted to know what I wanted to see. I decided to bypass the usual summer fare of watching crap blow up and chose "The Proposal." I have a man-crush on Ryan Reynolds and thought that since it was a Rom-Com that it would be ok. I figured it would make me look sensitive, and she might be impressed. (Let's just call her Jennifer from here on out)
It turns out that Jennifer also has a crush on the aforementioned Reynolds, so I was off to a good start. When we met at the theatre, I was surprised to see how pretty she was. I mean, I knew she was cute, but when girls get all done up, it can be a different story. She was wearing a summer dress with no sleeves and had her hair up in a pony tail. She was very tan and had the most pretty hazel eyes. Even though she tried, I insisted on paying for the tickets. I didn't want to be boorish by it, but I still think that a guy should pay for date stuff, especially the first one. Jennifer passed on anything from the concession stand, and I was smart enough not to sneak anything into the theatre (which I normarly do. You would be amazed at the amount of crap I can get into some cargo shorts.)
Like me, she enjoys watching the previews and follows all the "Clay rules" for watching a movie. Fortunately, the theatre was nearly empty...it being a Monday night and all. We chatted a little bit right before the credits started, but I could tell that she was comfortable sitting besides me, and from what I knew about her. She liked me already.
The movie was OK. Im not a big Sandra Bullock fan, but the movie had a few chuckles in it. I was quite content on just enjoying seeing Ryan Reynolds shirtless (twice) and was relaxing, and then it happened.
Jennifer reached over and held my hand. My first reaction was as if a dead body had just grabbed me. I instantly jerked away and could feel my mouth go dry as a desert in an instant. I looked over at her and I could tell she was confused...and 5 seconds away from being hurt. What I did next was pretty smooth. I shifted slightly to my left....leaned in and kissed her on her forehead while sliding my hand under her's. The rest of the movie was a bit of a blur. We kinda cuddled (she said that she was cold) and I was happy to know that I was not a freak. To be honest, I have felt pretty gross lately.
After the movie ended, it was nearly 930. Jennifer was willing to go to Barnes and Noble and have coffee, but I could tell that it was time to go home. We kinda stammered through the good-byes, and promised that we would get together again soon. On the way home, she texted me that she had a good night. I am STEVE MCQUEEN!!!!!
I feel pretty good about things all things considered. I have a job. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones that I have are very loyal to me. I start school in just a few short weeks and am looking forward to the new adventures that lay before me. I believe in my heart now that I can write for a living. I think that with more training and experience that I will be able to take my thoughts, write about them, and people might pay to actually read it. Who knew? I will never be rich. I will never be famous. I may always be known for what I have done in the past, but the future shines brighter than the dull gray of my past.
Emma leaves Saturday. I hate that more than anything in the world. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what kind of affect that will have on me, but I can take it. She loves me more than anything, and knowing that is so powerful. I will miss her so....but she will be back....and back again. There is nothing like the love from a father. Emma is my rock.
Goodnight everyone.......Oh, I almost forgot. The part about the date was purely fiction. Was it any good??? hee hee
Technically, this is the first date-date I have been on since 1995. See, I met my ex-wife Debbie in September of 1995. We dated, got engaged, then married...and finally divorced in March of 2004. In May of 2005, I met Bonnie and we hit it off and we were practically inseparable until 3 weeks ago, when she broke up with me. So, it's been 14 years since I've had a real first date. Bonnie and I just found each other, had a whirlwind romance, and ended up living together. It was love at lightspeed, if you will.
Anywhooo. To protect the innocent, Im not going to name names or get into whether I'm on the rebound or not. I felt like asking this girl out, and wanted to go to dinner and a movie. No strings attached. Just dinner and a movie. The last thing I am looking for right now is to get into a relationship. Im still raw and miss Bonnie, so I need to be careful. But, hey....Im just 35, and even though Im tough to deal with, I have a lot to offer. Why not??
First dates are always so complicated. I had to summon up the courage to ask this young lady (she's younger than me) out on a date, and not look stupid or desperate at the same time. I wanted her to relax and have a good time. I wanted to avoid serious conversations and awkward moments or course, but I wanted to feel loose enough to be my charming self (Im so full of shit). My number one goal was to make her laugh. After that was accomplished, I figured it would be like riding a bike.
When I called her up Friday and she said she was go, I asked her if she would like to check out a flick, and maybe dinner before, or coffee afterwards. Even though the last time I did this, Bill Clinton was our President, I still felt this was a safe choice and I would be able to avoid total disaster.
So, I ironed my shirt, combed my hair, and even put on a little cologne. I must admit, I was so nervous. She let me know that she would meet me at the theatre and wanted to know what I wanted to see. I decided to bypass the usual summer fare of watching crap blow up and chose "The Proposal." I have a man-crush on Ryan Reynolds and thought that since it was a Rom-Com that it would be ok. I figured it would make me look sensitive, and she might be impressed. (Let's just call her Jennifer from here on out)
It turns out that Jennifer also has a crush on the aforementioned Reynolds, so I was off to a good start. When we met at the theatre, I was surprised to see how pretty she was. I mean, I knew she was cute, but when girls get all done up, it can be a different story. She was wearing a summer dress with no sleeves and had her hair up in a pony tail. She was very tan and had the most pretty hazel eyes. Even though she tried, I insisted on paying for the tickets. I didn't want to be boorish by it, but I still think that a guy should pay for date stuff, especially the first one. Jennifer passed on anything from the concession stand, and I was smart enough not to sneak anything into the theatre (which I normarly do. You would be amazed at the amount of crap I can get into some cargo shorts.)
Like me, she enjoys watching the previews and follows all the "Clay rules" for watching a movie. Fortunately, the theatre was nearly empty...it being a Monday night and all. We chatted a little bit right before the credits started, but I could tell that she was comfortable sitting besides me, and from what I knew about her. She liked me already.
The movie was OK. Im not a big Sandra Bullock fan, but the movie had a few chuckles in it. I was quite content on just enjoying seeing Ryan Reynolds shirtless (twice) and was relaxing, and then it happened.
Jennifer reached over and held my hand. My first reaction was as if a dead body had just grabbed me. I instantly jerked away and could feel my mouth go dry as a desert in an instant. I looked over at her and I could tell she was confused...and 5 seconds away from being hurt. What I did next was pretty smooth. I shifted slightly to my left....leaned in and kissed her on her forehead while sliding my hand under her's. The rest of the movie was a bit of a blur. We kinda cuddled (she said that she was cold) and I was happy to know that I was not a freak. To be honest, I have felt pretty gross lately.
After the movie ended, it was nearly 930. Jennifer was willing to go to Barnes and Noble and have coffee, but I could tell that it was time to go home. We kinda stammered through the good-byes, and promised that we would get together again soon. On the way home, she texted me that she had a good night. I am STEVE MCQUEEN!!!!!
I feel pretty good about things all things considered. I have a job. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones that I have are very loyal to me. I start school in just a few short weeks and am looking forward to the new adventures that lay before me. I believe in my heart now that I can write for a living. I think that with more training and experience that I will be able to take my thoughts, write about them, and people might pay to actually read it. Who knew? I will never be rich. I will never be famous. I may always be known for what I have done in the past, but the future shines brighter than the dull gray of my past.
Emma leaves Saturday. I hate that more than anything in the world. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what kind of affect that will have on me, but I can take it. She loves me more than anything, and knowing that is so powerful. I will miss her so....but she will be back....and back again. There is nothing like the love from a father. Emma is my rock.
Goodnight everyone.......Oh, I almost forgot. The part about the date was purely fiction. Was it any good??? hee hee
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Some things I can still do....but not as well.
Hello everyone. I wanted to get back to putting my thoughts on paper again, so please excuse the fact that I'm rusty and might not be able to be very clear.
Tonight was a milestone of sorts for me. I went roller skating with the Emmamonster and her friend Austin. Why is it a milestone? Well, although this occasion is not as dear as watching Emma take her first steps, it's still cool to do something with your kid for the first time. The problem is that I have not strapped wheels onto these footsies since circa 1986. I was not to be deterred by being a fatty, the blisters, or the fact that I was surrounded by kids flying by me at 60 mph. Emma needed to see her Daddy look cool, and I was bound to accomplish this feat.
Is it cool to end up ass over elbows with your t-shirt over your head flopping on the floor like a gasping fish? How about having your kid nearly snot herself from laughing so hard at you? How about crashing into a 14 year old young man and nearly decapitating an elderly couple enjoying a slow song? Yeah, I was the embodiment of cool. I was the "Fonz." James Bond on skates.
Tomorrow, Emma, Austin, and I are going to give bowling a shot. Yeah, for some reason it seems that to please my child, I must participate in some sort of activity that will make me look like a moron. Although it would seem that I have the perfect body (beer belly, bad clothes) for bowling, I do not have the gift to make the 3-10 split, or whatever it is called. It's the only sport that I know of that I don't even know how keep score. Thankfully, they have computers now that do it for you. I very seldomly mix math with pleasure. All that as it is, I find it so interesting to see Emma light up whenever she beats her old man at something. She spent three days last week telling everyone..."Hi, I'm Emma, I beat my Daddy at air hockey three times in a row!"
The really bizarre thing is that I don't mind taking a dive every now and then to make her happy. I am sure this is probably strange for some of you to understand, but there were no gimmies for me when I was growing up. It was the same for Stephanie as well. Although I was nearly 12 years older and twice her size, I would never let her win. Not one time.
**There has been some debate in recent years that Stephanie beat me in a game of horse at one point, but I don't recall it. Further, there are no witnesses available to back her story...and all video footage was taken by robbers. Thus, my career unbeaten streak still stands.**
My point is that I should have let Steph win...especially when she was 8. Emma really enjoys me wallow in defeat. I just want to give her a smackdown in UNO and then talk junk, but that's just not nice. Shoot, when I found out Emma's favorite color was friggin Orange and that she wanted to be a cheerleader, I was able to summon the strength and say...."Whatever makes you happy, baby." Honestly though, I was thinking about how much I would have liked to see her play ball or swing a tennis racquet. It would be cool to help teach her what I do know about sports, but my role might be all together different. BUT>>> I draw the line if she wants to be the mascot, and wants to go to Tennessee for college.
I've just got days till Emma goes back to South Carolina. I am not looking forward to that at all. If anyone wants to show pity on me and take me to a movie or lunch after August 8th, I will humbly accept all charity. ha.
Good night everyone.
Tonight was a milestone of sorts for me. I went roller skating with the Emmamonster and her friend Austin. Why is it a milestone? Well, although this occasion is not as dear as watching Emma take her first steps, it's still cool to do something with your kid for the first time. The problem is that I have not strapped wheels onto these footsies since circa 1986. I was not to be deterred by being a fatty, the blisters, or the fact that I was surrounded by kids flying by me at 60 mph. Emma needed to see her Daddy look cool, and I was bound to accomplish this feat.
Is it cool to end up ass over elbows with your t-shirt over your head flopping on the floor like a gasping fish? How about having your kid nearly snot herself from laughing so hard at you? How about crashing into a 14 year old young man and nearly decapitating an elderly couple enjoying a slow song? Yeah, I was the embodiment of cool. I was the "Fonz." James Bond on skates.
Tomorrow, Emma, Austin, and I are going to give bowling a shot. Yeah, for some reason it seems that to please my child, I must participate in some sort of activity that will make me look like a moron. Although it would seem that I have the perfect body (beer belly, bad clothes) for bowling, I do not have the gift to make the 3-10 split, or whatever it is called. It's the only sport that I know of that I don't even know how keep score. Thankfully, they have computers now that do it for you. I very seldomly mix math with pleasure. All that as it is, I find it so interesting to see Emma light up whenever she beats her old man at something. She spent three days last week telling everyone..."Hi, I'm Emma, I beat my Daddy at air hockey three times in a row!"
The really bizarre thing is that I don't mind taking a dive every now and then to make her happy. I am sure this is probably strange for some of you to understand, but there were no gimmies for me when I was growing up. It was the same for Stephanie as well. Although I was nearly 12 years older and twice her size, I would never let her win. Not one time.
**There has been some debate in recent years that Stephanie beat me in a game of horse at one point, but I don't recall it. Further, there are no witnesses available to back her story...and all video footage was taken by robbers. Thus, my career unbeaten streak still stands.**
My point is that I should have let Steph win...especially when she was 8. Emma really enjoys me wallow in defeat. I just want to give her a smackdown in UNO and then talk junk, but that's just not nice. Shoot, when I found out Emma's favorite color was friggin Orange and that she wanted to be a cheerleader, I was able to summon the strength and say...."Whatever makes you happy, baby." Honestly though, I was thinking about how much I would have liked to see her play ball or swing a tennis racquet. It would be cool to help teach her what I do know about sports, but my role might be all together different. BUT>>> I draw the line if she wants to be the mascot, and wants to go to Tennessee for college.
I've just got days till Emma goes back to South Carolina. I am not looking forward to that at all. If anyone wants to show pity on me and take me to a movie or lunch after August 8th, I will humbly accept all charity. ha.
Good night everyone.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
UTC scrimmage article
Last Saturday, with dark clouds everywhere and a brisk wind, the 2009 UTC football team held there first scrimmage under the watchful eye of new Head Coach Russ Huesman. This would mark the first opportunity the new boss would see how his players would react when the pads started popping.
After last year’s disappointing season which just managed one win. Huesman’s arrival in Chattanooga has created a buzz that has been lacking. Coach Huesman is a former UTC defensive back himself and hopes to revive a football program that has been dormant for far too long. Most recently, Huesman was the defensive coordinator for the Richmond Spiders, who played for the Division II title game here in December.
Huesman is easy to locate on the field. He looked over drills before the start of the scrimmage while looping his whistle anxiously, awaiting a chance to correct a mistake. The Mocs imitated their leader’s intensity by hustling from station to station.
According to the new boss, the first scrimmage was a success. “I was a cheerleader for most of the day, it was a lot of fun,” said Huesman. “Overall, I am pleased with the effort.” Huesman also commented on the progress so far during spring practices. “We are probably where we should be right now.”
Senior quarterback Jare Gault led the way by completing 10 of 16 for 150 yards and three touchdowns. For the first time this season, Gault was playing in real game situations. Gault was efficient and remarkably accurate throwing the ball downfield. In the shotgun most of the time, Gault was confident with his throws and seemed comfortable with the new system.
On the receiving end of four of those passes was junior Chris Pitchford, who totaled 85 yards and two touchdowns. Pitchford got behind the secondary several times and made two acrobatic catches in which he totally extended to snare the ball.
The Mocs running game didn’t shine as bright. UTC running backs were unable to find their way.. Behind an offensive line learning the nuances of a new system the rushing attack was often just a big pile up at the line of scrimmage. J.J Jackson was the best of the bunch, with 19 yards on 12 carries.
With winds howling, the UTC kicking game struggled at times. Placekicker Craig Camay had an adventurous day to say the least. After clanking a field goal try off the right upright, the strong legged Camay just shook his head. Special teams were limited to just placekicking and punting. Each offensive attempt would start at the opposing team’s 35-yard line.
Coach Huesman summed up the performance. “If we stop working, and don’t get better, we’ll have issues.” The football team will continue practice while leading up the annual Spring Game. The intrasquad contest will be held at Finley Stadium on April 18th. Kickoff is set for 7:00 pm.
After last year’s disappointing season which just managed one win. Huesman’s arrival in Chattanooga has created a buzz that has been lacking. Coach Huesman is a former UTC defensive back himself and hopes to revive a football program that has been dormant for far too long. Most recently, Huesman was the defensive coordinator for the Richmond Spiders, who played for the Division II title game here in December.
Huesman is easy to locate on the field. He looked over drills before the start of the scrimmage while looping his whistle anxiously, awaiting a chance to correct a mistake. The Mocs imitated their leader’s intensity by hustling from station to station.
According to the new boss, the first scrimmage was a success. “I was a cheerleader for most of the day, it was a lot of fun,” said Huesman. “Overall, I am pleased with the effort.” Huesman also commented on the progress so far during spring practices. “We are probably where we should be right now.”
Senior quarterback Jare Gault led the way by completing 10 of 16 for 150 yards and three touchdowns. For the first time this season, Gault was playing in real game situations. Gault was efficient and remarkably accurate throwing the ball downfield. In the shotgun most of the time, Gault was confident with his throws and seemed comfortable with the new system.
On the receiving end of four of those passes was junior Chris Pitchford, who totaled 85 yards and two touchdowns. Pitchford got behind the secondary several times and made two acrobatic catches in which he totally extended to snare the ball.
The Mocs running game didn’t shine as bright. UTC running backs were unable to find their way.. Behind an offensive line learning the nuances of a new system the rushing attack was often just a big pile up at the line of scrimmage. J.J Jackson was the best of the bunch, with 19 yards on 12 carries.
With winds howling, the UTC kicking game struggled at times. Placekicker Craig Camay had an adventurous day to say the least. After clanking a field goal try off the right upright, the strong legged Camay just shook his head. Special teams were limited to just placekicking and punting. Each offensive attempt would start at the opposing team’s 35-yard line.
Coach Huesman summed up the performance. “If we stop working, and don’t get better, we’ll have issues.” The football team will continue practice while leading up the annual Spring Game. The intrasquad contest will be held at Finley Stadium on April 18th. Kickoff is set for 7:00 pm.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
March Madness
“How does your bracket look?” Since last Thursday, I have heard this question at places like Lowe’s, McDonalds, Publix, as well as on campus. The Men’s College Basketball NCAA Tournament has become such a popular time of year, even in Chattanooga, TN that men, women, and children are diligently watching, and more importantly, tracking the winners and losers.
The talking heads on ESPN are running day and night coverage and endless commentary. even the USA Today newspaper has had front page coverage of the event. Each game has more in depth analysis that is really deserved. Do I really care that Western Kentucky’s point guard enjoys ice cream and walks on the beach. Then of course, there’s Dickie V. That is, the irreverent Dick Vitale. Vitale is screaming from my screen. Does that guy talk to strangers that way? He looks he might spin right out of the screen at any time.
I was watching a very good LSU-North Carolina game last Saturday, when suddenly I was switched to another game, and then another. There is an endless crawl at the top of the screen, updating every game every minute or so. I am kicking myself for not going out to watch the game. “March Madness” has turned me into a mindless zombie in pajama pants, and a red ink pen.
Even our new President has a bracket. In case you missed it, President Obama actually took time to explain to an ESPN talking head on how he came up with his picks. For the record, Obama has done fairly well so far. You have to wonder if there was some sort of committee put together to enhance his chances.. It is well known that President Obama is a sports fan, and an decent pick-up basketball player. His “body man” is a former Duke hoopster, and is always on the President’s team. Like the rest of us, Obama understands that all of us need a distraction, especially with seemingly endless bad news about the economy and the war in Iraq.
The late March early April love affair with college basketball has been evolving and evolving. Historically, the tournament itself was born in 1939, with just 8 teams, and has been expanded numerous times, including a jump from 48 teams to 64 in 1985. Currently, there are 65 teams, with two teams competing in a “play-in” game. Our own UTC men’s team played valiantly to get into the field, but fell prey to a mighty UCONN team with several NBA caliber players.
Of course, if you have filled out a bracket, you might be complaining about a big upset that may have occurred, or your favorite team has been bounced. Don’t feel too bad. There are 18.4 quintillion possible outcomes, therefore the odds are less that great on you picking a perfect bracket, but you can still have fun with it. That being said, I have filled out three, and all of them are blown up. Stupid Wake Forest. I need a hobby.
The talking heads on ESPN are running day and night coverage and endless commentary. even the USA Today newspaper has had front page coverage of the event. Each game has more in depth analysis that is really deserved. Do I really care that Western Kentucky’s point guard enjoys ice cream and walks on the beach. Then of course, there’s Dickie V. That is, the irreverent Dick Vitale. Vitale is screaming from my screen. Does that guy talk to strangers that way? He looks he might spin right out of the screen at any time.
I was watching a very good LSU-North Carolina game last Saturday, when suddenly I was switched to another game, and then another. There is an endless crawl at the top of the screen, updating every game every minute or so. I am kicking myself for not going out to watch the game. “March Madness” has turned me into a mindless zombie in pajama pants, and a red ink pen.
Even our new President has a bracket. In case you missed it, President Obama actually took time to explain to an ESPN talking head on how he came up with his picks. For the record, Obama has done fairly well so far. You have to wonder if there was some sort of committee put together to enhance his chances.. It is well known that President Obama is a sports fan, and an decent pick-up basketball player. His “body man” is a former Duke hoopster, and is always on the President’s team. Like the rest of us, Obama understands that all of us need a distraction, especially with seemingly endless bad news about the economy and the war in Iraq.
The late March early April love affair with college basketball has been evolving and evolving. Historically, the tournament itself was born in 1939, with just 8 teams, and has been expanded numerous times, including a jump from 48 teams to 64 in 1985. Currently, there are 65 teams, with two teams competing in a “play-in” game. Our own UTC men’s team played valiantly to get into the field, but fell prey to a mighty UCONN team with several NBA caliber players.
Of course, if you have filled out a bracket, you might be complaining about a big upset that may have occurred, or your favorite team has been bounced. Don’t feel too bad. There are 18.4 quintillion possible outcomes, therefore the odds are less that great on you picking a perfect bracket, but you can still have fun with it. That being said, I have filled out three, and all of them are blown up. Stupid Wake Forest. I need a hobby.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
some more musings...
hello everyone. it's been awhile, so lemme get caught up.
It's Spring Break...and I'm a million miles away from Daytona. Oh...the sadness of not being able to shotgun beers, go to wet t-shirt contests, or see jello wrestling. Instead, I'm in pajamas with American Idol in the background. lame
For all of those that gave me a shout out for my birthday, I thank you. I am 35 and surprisingly spry. I can't drain it from behind the arc anymore or play the net in tennis, but I feel great nonetheless. I got an Emma voice mail singing the sweetest version of Happy Birthday you would ever hear.
I am debating whether to sell a kidney and join the UTC basketball team on the road for some March Madness. I was there Monday night to watch them "punch their ticket" against Charleston. It was like watching an action flick with a bomb ticker. I just kept looking at the clock to see how much time was left. In the end, I felt very privileged to have a press pass, sit on press row, and watch the pure joy those guys had...of course now they get to play Carolina...or someone like that and get destroyed in the first round. Be careful for what you wish for I guess.
It's that time of year again. American Idol is on. Im not going to pretend to know what Im talking about and make a prediction on who is going to win, but to me, this season has been lame. It's Micheal Jackson night tonight and I would rather take an 8 iron right to my ryanseacrest. Anyway, I just think the novelty has worn off. I'm pulling for the girl from Starkville, MS at any rate.
Speaking of bad tv, I think I have a problem. You just have to understand that this household watches the worst crap in history. It would not surprise me to see Bonnie watch anything with Bret Micheals in it (former lead singer of Poison) or the "Hills" you know what, I don't know what that girl is thinking sometimes, but of course, leave it to me to find the bottom of the well....and drink from it.
I was up very late the other night and was doing some surfing. On Showtime, there is a program called "Deeper Throat." Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like. I check the info button and see that some porn production company is trying to remake the 1970's porn flick......SOOOO, I check it out because I'm pretty sure that the end is near with this on. Guess what, it is facinating. It is amazing to me go "behind the scenes" of a porn flick. I cannot believe how laissez-faire these folks are about doing realllllllly dirty stuff. Here is a line..."Hey, I need some more lube for this scene." Im sure some of you are offended. Hey, Im disgusted Im even watching it, but it's not about seeing boobs....that's cool and all, but it's interesting how much of a business it is and how a porn flick is produced much like a studio flick....just without the lube.
Speaking of crappy TV, if you ever see the show "The Exterminators" on cable, check it out. It's about a family of bug killers that live in Louisiana. It's awesome. I mean, they kill bugs, but the bayou country has critters on roids. Pulling out gators and catching bats and the family is crew of seriously down home southern folk. Trust me, it's funny and entertaining.
Im a moron.
Got another epidural today. It's not a good day when it's 8 am and your nurse is on try NUMBER 3 on the IV. I understand that my veins don't come a runnin,but come on. I nearly took the dadgum thing and stuck it in my own neck. Since my accident, I have really found a deep appreciation for nurses especially, but occasionally I want to choke one out.
Dr. White let me know that one of my discs has gotten worse and that he'd be injecting me more on the hip today and that I'd be more "uncomfortable" later. OUCH....and he was right. It hurts like crap and Im sore. Even the good narcotics are not helping. It's my own fault really...if I get off my fat but and exercise I would be better off. lazy.
Speaking of shots, I must comment on A-Roid. I hate him already for being a Yankee, but really, is there anyone else that I thought was great that wants to step up and break my heart??? I'm waiting for Micheal Jordan to tell ESPN that he was juiced. I have never been more disheartened by what is going on in sports. Maybe Ill just watch college or high school stuff for awhile. They are not totally corrupt..yet.
We are about 60 days into the Obama administration and so far Id give him a B-. I have really started to follow politics again..(now that it's interesting) and I like the fact he has been able to get some stuff thru the Senate and House. The stimulus package had a ton of pork...and wasteful spending, but I guess you can't get too broke. I like the fact he used the executive order to get the ball rolling on stem cell research. Im all in favor of medical research.that could lead to big improvements or vaccines..and I think we need to think outside of the box to whip cancer and HIV, to say the least. Bad news is that there are a ton of scare tactics coming out of the White House. Like....the other day, the headline was that "Iran is a week away from having a nuclear weapon." What the hell man....Iran is no threat to this country...they'd need a boat to get it here....besides, Isreal would make Iran into a glass parking lot if need be. It's a longtime strategy for democrats to push the fact that the world is in the tank, so I wish they would lay off that. Oh, and get ready for this headline. "TODAY, WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCES LARGEST TAX INCREASE IN HISTORY." I don't care who you vote for, it's gonna happen. Taxes are going to go up at some point. Obama only hopes it will be in his second term, that is, if he gets one. One other thing...someone needs to let the democrats know that the "We won, so shove it" attitude is lame....and getting old. Debate and argument keeps everyone on their toes and poliltician honest (relatively speaking) so I think the folks like Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity are needed. They are no less passionate than a James Carville is. Besides, if you form your opinion based strictly on what a talking head says solely, then you are misinformed. End of speech.
Not a great blog at all. Blame it on the drugs.
peace
It's Spring Break...and I'm a million miles away from Daytona. Oh...the sadness of not being able to shotgun beers, go to wet t-shirt contests, or see jello wrestling. Instead, I'm in pajamas with American Idol in the background. lame
For all of those that gave me a shout out for my birthday, I thank you. I am 35 and surprisingly spry. I can't drain it from behind the arc anymore or play the net in tennis, but I feel great nonetheless. I got an Emma voice mail singing the sweetest version of Happy Birthday you would ever hear.
I am debating whether to sell a kidney and join the UTC basketball team on the road for some March Madness. I was there Monday night to watch them "punch their ticket" against Charleston. It was like watching an action flick with a bomb ticker. I just kept looking at the clock to see how much time was left. In the end, I felt very privileged to have a press pass, sit on press row, and watch the pure joy those guys had...of course now they get to play Carolina...or someone like that and get destroyed in the first round. Be careful for what you wish for I guess.
It's that time of year again. American Idol is on. Im not going to pretend to know what Im talking about and make a prediction on who is going to win, but to me, this season has been lame. It's Micheal Jackson night tonight and I would rather take an 8 iron right to my ryanseacrest. Anyway, I just think the novelty has worn off. I'm pulling for the girl from Starkville, MS at any rate.
Speaking of bad tv, I think I have a problem. You just have to understand that this household watches the worst crap in history. It would not surprise me to see Bonnie watch anything with Bret Micheals in it (former lead singer of Poison) or the "Hills" you know what, I don't know what that girl is thinking sometimes, but of course, leave it to me to find the bottom of the well....and drink from it.
I was up very late the other night and was doing some surfing. On Showtime, there is a program called "Deeper Throat." Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like. I check the info button and see that some porn production company is trying to remake the 1970's porn flick......SOOOO, I check it out because I'm pretty sure that the end is near with this on. Guess what, it is facinating. It is amazing to me go "behind the scenes" of a porn flick. I cannot believe how laissez-faire these folks are about doing realllllllly dirty stuff. Here is a line..."Hey, I need some more lube for this scene." Im sure some of you are offended. Hey, Im disgusted Im even watching it, but it's not about seeing boobs....that's cool and all, but it's interesting how much of a business it is and how a porn flick is produced much like a studio flick....just without the lube.
Speaking of crappy TV, if you ever see the show "The Exterminators" on cable, check it out. It's about a family of bug killers that live in Louisiana. It's awesome. I mean, they kill bugs, but the bayou country has critters on roids. Pulling out gators and catching bats and the family is crew of seriously down home southern folk. Trust me, it's funny and entertaining.
Im a moron.
Got another epidural today. It's not a good day when it's 8 am and your nurse is on try NUMBER 3 on the IV. I understand that my veins don't come a runnin,but come on. I nearly took the dadgum thing and stuck it in my own neck. Since my accident, I have really found a deep appreciation for nurses especially, but occasionally I want to choke one out.
Dr. White let me know that one of my discs has gotten worse and that he'd be injecting me more on the hip today and that I'd be more "uncomfortable" later. OUCH....and he was right. It hurts like crap and Im sore. Even the good narcotics are not helping. It's my own fault really...if I get off my fat but and exercise I would be better off. lazy.
Speaking of shots, I must comment on A-Roid. I hate him already for being a Yankee, but really, is there anyone else that I thought was great that wants to step up and break my heart??? I'm waiting for Micheal Jordan to tell ESPN that he was juiced. I have never been more disheartened by what is going on in sports. Maybe Ill just watch college or high school stuff for awhile. They are not totally corrupt..yet.
We are about 60 days into the Obama administration and so far Id give him a B-. I have really started to follow politics again..(now that it's interesting) and I like the fact he has been able to get some stuff thru the Senate and House. The stimulus package had a ton of pork...and wasteful spending, but I guess you can't get too broke. I like the fact he used the executive order to get the ball rolling on stem cell research. Im all in favor of medical research.that could lead to big improvements or vaccines..and I think we need to think outside of the box to whip cancer and HIV, to say the least. Bad news is that there are a ton of scare tactics coming out of the White House. Like....the other day, the headline was that "Iran is a week away from having a nuclear weapon." What the hell man....Iran is no threat to this country...they'd need a boat to get it here....besides, Isreal would make Iran into a glass parking lot if need be. It's a longtime strategy for democrats to push the fact that the world is in the tank, so I wish they would lay off that. Oh, and get ready for this headline. "TODAY, WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCES LARGEST TAX INCREASE IN HISTORY." I don't care who you vote for, it's gonna happen. Taxes are going to go up at some point. Obama only hopes it will be in his second term, that is, if he gets one. One other thing...someone needs to let the democrats know that the "We won, so shove it" attitude is lame....and getting old. Debate and argument keeps everyone on their toes and poliltician honest (relatively speaking) so I think the folks like Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity are needed. They are no less passionate than a James Carville is. Besides, if you form your opinion based strictly on what a talking head says solely, then you are misinformed. End of speech.
Not a great blog at all. Blame it on the drugs.
peace
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monsteriffic...
**This is an article that I wrote for the "Echo" and I thought I would post it here...before it got edited**
Three boys out on the town on a Friday night, Chattanooga would not know what hit it. We were on a mission to find a good time, and that led us to a location very familiar to yours truly, “The McKenzie Arena.”
I am used to covering the Lady Mocs and their impressive run of ten straight championships, but tonight, McKenzie took on a different persona all together. The raucous crowds pulling for the UTC Women could not hold a candle to the teeth rattling, seat vibrating, deafening roar that made up the “2009 Thunder Nationals.”
That’s right, it was Monster Truck night on campus, and if you were like me, and forgot to bring your ear plugs, then you were left scrambling to come up with some way to ensure that your hearing would leave the building with you. To me, it felt like I was inside a bass drum, in an airplane hangar with several F-16’s about to take off.
Fortunately, my company was just as lost as I was. My good friend and local “weatherman,” Brian Smith was there, and he brought along his little brother Aaron. Lil Aaron is seven and Brian has been his “big brother” for a couple of years, and I have to tell you, Lil Aaron was so pumped to see this spectacle that he completely forgot that we had told him we were going to see a movie.
Side note here folks, the Big Brother/Big Sister program is one of the best ways to really give back to your community. In addition to giving the best weather prognostications around, Brian helps out with Boy Scouts of America and is very active with his church, and is just a sweetheart of a guy. ***I just earned some extra dough by saying all that. Brian’s parents pay well for their son to look good. Truth is, his wife Becca is the only thing that can make that guy look good, but I digress.
So, me, Lil Aaron, and my celebrity friend Brian are sitting around watching what happens when explosives, testosterone, and stupidity are all mixed and melded together in the form or a Monster truck. You have all seen them before. Huge tires taller than most NBA centers, and engines that just sound like they have a bad attitude. I mean, this is just plain meanness with a steering wheel.
As these giant leviathan’s trudge around the arena crushing mid-sized sedans that have now been sacrificed for our entertainment, I look over at Lil Aaron and see that he is entranced. For the first time that I can recall, Lil Aaron is not acting like a kangaroo on Red Bull. His eyes are glazed over as he watches the his favorite monster truck destroying everything it gets near.
Talk about irony, Lil Aaron is enthralled to see the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle” monster truck crush and maim the cars that are their to be sacrificed. Yes, this truck’s body is shaped like a turtle. It defies gravity by jumping cars and is somehow able to not flip over (now, that would have been funny to see a turtle truck on its back, but it was not to be)
I would be ashamed of myself if I did not say that I was engrossed by a few other details besides the destruction and the ear drum rattling trucks with catchy names like: Raminator…..Rammination……The Grave Digger, and my favorite, Monster Masher.
All of this was cool, but the true entertainment was in the details. For example, $13 would get you cotton candy…and a hat shaped like a monster truck. How about a $11 snowcone in a commerative cup? Finally, for $18, you could get a poster of the truck of your choosing. How cool is that?
I could not help but wonder how many folks were in attendance that were “green.” Folks, the environment was taking one on the chin during this event. A thick, blue smoke sat a top of McKenzie Arena and just hung there. I was wondering if I was getting a little to much carbon monoxide for the sake of having a good time.
I looked over at Lil Aaron and knew what he thought. He was so happy to be watching this demolition derby on steroids that I had to stop thinking of my health and whether or not all the grass outside was dying. Bring on “Grave Digger!”
Three boys out on the town on a Friday night, Chattanooga would not know what hit it. We were on a mission to find a good time, and that led us to a location very familiar to yours truly, “The McKenzie Arena.”
I am used to covering the Lady Mocs and their impressive run of ten straight championships, but tonight, McKenzie took on a different persona all together. The raucous crowds pulling for the UTC Women could not hold a candle to the teeth rattling, seat vibrating, deafening roar that made up the “2009 Thunder Nationals.”
That’s right, it was Monster Truck night on campus, and if you were like me, and forgot to bring your ear plugs, then you were left scrambling to come up with some way to ensure that your hearing would leave the building with you. To me, it felt like I was inside a bass drum, in an airplane hangar with several F-16’s about to take off.
Fortunately, my company was just as lost as I was. My good friend and local “weatherman,” Brian Smith was there, and he brought along his little brother Aaron. Lil Aaron is seven and Brian has been his “big brother” for a couple of years, and I have to tell you, Lil Aaron was so pumped to see this spectacle that he completely forgot that we had told him we were going to see a movie.
Side note here folks, the Big Brother/Big Sister program is one of the best ways to really give back to your community. In addition to giving the best weather prognostications around, Brian helps out with Boy Scouts of America and is very active with his church, and is just a sweetheart of a guy. ***I just earned some extra dough by saying all that. Brian’s parents pay well for their son to look good. Truth is, his wife Becca is the only thing that can make that guy look good, but I digress.
So, me, Lil Aaron, and my celebrity friend Brian are sitting around watching what happens when explosives, testosterone, and stupidity are all mixed and melded together in the form or a Monster truck. You have all seen them before. Huge tires taller than most NBA centers, and engines that just sound like they have a bad attitude. I mean, this is just plain meanness with a steering wheel.
As these giant leviathan’s trudge around the arena crushing mid-sized sedans that have now been sacrificed for our entertainment, I look over at Lil Aaron and see that he is entranced. For the first time that I can recall, Lil Aaron is not acting like a kangaroo on Red Bull. His eyes are glazed over as he watches the his favorite monster truck destroying everything it gets near.
Talk about irony, Lil Aaron is enthralled to see the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle” monster truck crush and maim the cars that are their to be sacrificed. Yes, this truck’s body is shaped like a turtle. It defies gravity by jumping cars and is somehow able to not flip over (now, that would have been funny to see a turtle truck on its back, but it was not to be)
I would be ashamed of myself if I did not say that I was engrossed by a few other details besides the destruction and the ear drum rattling trucks with catchy names like: Raminator…..Rammination……The Grave Digger, and my favorite, Monster Masher.
All of this was cool, but the true entertainment was in the details. For example, $13 would get you cotton candy…and a hat shaped like a monster truck. How about a $11 snowcone in a commerative cup? Finally, for $18, you could get a poster of the truck of your choosing. How cool is that?
I could not help but wonder how many folks were in attendance that were “green.” Folks, the environment was taking one on the chin during this event. A thick, blue smoke sat a top of McKenzie Arena and just hung there. I was wondering if I was getting a little to much carbon monoxide for the sake of having a good time.
I looked over at Lil Aaron and knew what he thought. He was so happy to be watching this demolition derby on steroids that I had to stop thinking of my health and whether or not all the grass outside was dying. Bring on “Grave Digger!”
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Cancer sucks...
yeah, that's right, Cancer is like the cockroach. It has no discernable value at all. All it does is cause pain and death. I cannot think of one thing that Cancer does that benefits the human race.
Bonnie just found out that her last living grandparent has cancer. Actually, Ms. Vaughn has fought with it before. She lost her lung and has been cancer free for quite a while. Of course, living with only one lung cannot be a walk in the park. Since then, walking to the mailbox would leave her out of breath.
Ms. Vaughn's relapse with Cancer could not have picked a worse place....her other lung. According to her doctor's, the tumor is too big to remove surgically, so our hopes for survival is based on a radiation treatment....and that is pretty much it.
I want to tell this story because I want all of you that read this to do whatever is necessary to avoid Cancer. So, for us guys that means colonoscopies (sp) and further prostate exams. For women, please get your check up. I know I sound like a goober saying this, but I am sick of watching those I care of get eaten up by this shitty disease.
This marks my third rodeo with Cancer at this level. I lost my Grandfather, who was my hero, in 1998, and my former mother in law Pat, shortly before Emma was born in 2000. Both times, the Cancer was unmerciful and I know brought agony to both. You learn a lot about your own mortality when you have to watch the day to day deteriation of someone you love.
Most of you that read this probably have a simliar story to tell. I am not special and do not need sympathy, but my dear Bonnie does. If Ms. Vaughn is to pass, Bonnie will no longer have any grandparents alive. I have my Nana, and I'm lucky for that.
I understand that God has a plan for each of us, but I cannot help but feel angry and confused as to why his plan includes such severe pain and the loss of one's dignity. I will be sure to ask him whenever I see him.
Take care of yourselves.
Clay
Bonnie just found out that her last living grandparent has cancer. Actually, Ms. Vaughn has fought with it before. She lost her lung and has been cancer free for quite a while. Of course, living with only one lung cannot be a walk in the park. Since then, walking to the mailbox would leave her out of breath.
Ms. Vaughn's relapse with Cancer could not have picked a worse place....her other lung. According to her doctor's, the tumor is too big to remove surgically, so our hopes for survival is based on a radiation treatment....and that is pretty much it.
I want to tell this story because I want all of you that read this to do whatever is necessary to avoid Cancer. So, for us guys that means colonoscopies (sp) and further prostate exams. For women, please get your check up. I know I sound like a goober saying this, but I am sick of watching those I care of get eaten up by this shitty disease.
This marks my third rodeo with Cancer at this level. I lost my Grandfather, who was my hero, in 1998, and my former mother in law Pat, shortly before Emma was born in 2000. Both times, the Cancer was unmerciful and I know brought agony to both. You learn a lot about your own mortality when you have to watch the day to day deteriation of someone you love.
Most of you that read this probably have a simliar story to tell. I am not special and do not need sympathy, but my dear Bonnie does. If Ms. Vaughn is to pass, Bonnie will no longer have any grandparents alive. I have my Nana, and I'm lucky for that.
I understand that God has a plan for each of us, but I cannot help but feel angry and confused as to why his plan includes such severe pain and the loss of one's dignity. I will be sure to ask him whenever I see him.
Take care of yourselves.
Clay
Friday, February 6, 2009
I can admit it when I'm wrong.....
really....I can. I just like to make sure I'm wrong first....really sure.
My last post, I declared that I would quit Facebook cold turkey....I have checked facebook three times today. Once this morning, once after I was done at UTC, and just a minute ago. I'm not sure if this would qualify me for habitual, but I am certainly not detoxing from Facebook.
Well, I was reading about how awesome Alabama's recruiting class (how dumb) was in the USA Today yesterday and there was an article about a Facebook chain letter thingy was "all the rage." It was called "25 Interesting Things About Me." I think that is right...
Well, I have seen several of these done and have read a lot of interesting, gross, sad, weird, funny things about my friends or people I used to know. Bonnie has done one and there were surprisingly things I did not know. It's all still way too much information in my opinion, but you get that "I just have to look" thought in your head...and then dive into someone's personal life....although invited.
I thought of this last weekend at some point and I must give credit to Bonnie and my dear friend Leslie for contibuting to the idea...I think it might have been Super Bowl Sunday....
I could sit here and try and conjure 25 inane factoids about myself , but I decided that I would invent some. So, if you dare, try to decide which is fact, which is fiction? Some of you will know more than others...so shhhhhhh. You might be surprised.
Here we go,
1- Debbie and I are not Emma's real parents.
2- I scored 69 points in a church league basketball game.
3- I'm lefthanded
4- My favorite Bible verse is II Corinthians 13:12
5- I was babtized in an Episcopal Church
6- I once sung on stage with Merle Haggard
7- I was adopted
8- I had a crush on a cousin as a kid
9- I have been arrested for urinating in public
10- My first pet was named Bobo
11- My oldest friend, is also my best friend
12- I broke my collarbone in a fight when I was 11
13- I've been in the nuthouse once.
14- I have an IQ of 150
15- My sister is the smartest person I have ever met
16 - I won the best typer award in High School
17- I was suspended in school for bringing in a "dirty" magazine.
18- I was in attendance at "Bear Bryant's" last game, and can prove it.
19- I signed up for the Army when I was 19.
20- One of my favorite things to do is read alone while sitting at bar with a beer.
21- My mother taught me how to swim at Tinsley Pool.
22- My father taught me how to open beer bottles.
23- My daughter Emma has two "Godfather's" but she will only know one.
24- I loved living in Charleston, SC
25- I love Tennessee football GO VOLS!!!.....ok, so that last one is obvious.
It's weird...I just finished that....you have to just come up with stuff.....that took a while. Good Luck trying to figure it out. Id love to hear some of your guesses...if you could, email me back with some...have a good weekend!!!
C
My last post, I declared that I would quit Facebook cold turkey....I have checked facebook three times today. Once this morning, once after I was done at UTC, and just a minute ago. I'm not sure if this would qualify me for habitual, but I am certainly not detoxing from Facebook.
Well, I was reading about how awesome Alabama's recruiting class (how dumb) was in the USA Today yesterday and there was an article about a Facebook chain letter thingy was "all the rage." It was called "25 Interesting Things About Me." I think that is right...
Well, I have seen several of these done and have read a lot of interesting, gross, sad, weird, funny things about my friends or people I used to know. Bonnie has done one and there were surprisingly things I did not know. It's all still way too much information in my opinion, but you get that "I just have to look" thought in your head...and then dive into someone's personal life....although invited.
I thought of this last weekend at some point and I must give credit to Bonnie and my dear friend Leslie for contibuting to the idea...I think it might have been Super Bowl Sunday....
I could sit here and try and conjure 25 inane factoids about myself , but I decided that I would invent some. So, if you dare, try to decide which is fact, which is fiction? Some of you will know more than others...so shhhhhhh. You might be surprised.
Here we go,
1- Debbie and I are not Emma's real parents.
2- I scored 69 points in a church league basketball game.
3- I'm lefthanded
4- My favorite Bible verse is II Corinthians 13:12
5- I was babtized in an Episcopal Church
6- I once sung on stage with Merle Haggard
7- I was adopted
8- I had a crush on a cousin as a kid
9- I have been arrested for urinating in public
10- My first pet was named Bobo
11- My oldest friend, is also my best friend
12- I broke my collarbone in a fight when I was 11
13- I've been in the nuthouse once.
14- I have an IQ of 150
15- My sister is the smartest person I have ever met
16 - I won the best typer award in High School
17- I was suspended in school for bringing in a "dirty" magazine.
18- I was in attendance at "Bear Bryant's" last game, and can prove it.
19- I signed up for the Army when I was 19.
20- One of my favorite things to do is read alone while sitting at bar with a beer.
21- My mother taught me how to swim at Tinsley Pool.
22- My father taught me how to open beer bottles.
23- My daughter Emma has two "Godfather's" but she will only know one.
24- I loved living in Charleston, SC
25- I love Tennessee football GO VOLS!!!.....ok, so that last one is obvious.
It's weird...I just finished that....you have to just come up with stuff.....that took a while. Good Luck trying to figure it out. Id love to hear some of your guesses...if you could, email me back with some...have a good weekend!!!
C
Monday, January 26, 2009
some musings....
hello everyone.
I saw the cutest thing today before my 900am class. This guy (looked 12 years old) is talking to this girl (out of his league) and it is obvious he is trying to ask her out. Ok, so the young man is describing this awesome party he'd been to the night before (Sunday night at a college, some folks party, even on a school night) anyway, the girl says, "I was at a big party last night too." The nervous little guy then says "It was at Apartment number....uhhh.....uhhh....79." Poor guy, the girl says back..."I was there too," I don't remember seeing you there" OUCH!!!!!
Being rejected by a girl is.......well, it just sucks. It's humiliating and so uncomfortable.....yuck. I asked this girl to dance with me once. I was living in Myrtle Beach at the time shortly after graduating. She looks at me, and says..."how old are you, how did you get in here." I was 19 at the $&$##*# time. female dog.
Did anyone see in the paper where Steve "Toby" Mckenzie had his name taken off of a building at UT-Knoxville. Yeah, he didn't make due with a $2 million dollar pledge....he didn't pay, so they whacked his name off the building, like I brush off lent. This is a deal to me because of being a Clevelander. Toby went to school with my mother and they even dated once or twice. SOOOO.....the first thing I see when I get off Amnicola Hwy every morning is "The McKenzie Arena." I will be real sad to see it torn down (Mckenzie has filed for bankruptcy..$151 million) That's just ugly.
I'm about to retire from Facebook. I think I have been active on it for 6 weeks or so, and it's just too much. Facebook and MySpace are not supposed to be ways that we actually communicate with each other. Does anyone speak face to face anymore? Personally, I send far too many text messages and care too much about updating my "status." It's not for me.
My grandmother got herself at big fat flat screen and I could not be more proud of anyone. This lady..my nana...lives so...not simple, but....inexcessive, than anyone I have known. Im so glad she treated herself at 84. She deserves so much more. Great lady, loved by so many.
This piss-poor economy strikes again...a friend of mine just lost her job.....she was "phased out." What the hell does that mean??? It's been 6 days since the Oath of Office enacted and the clock is ticking!!!
Oh...got the Emmamonster's 2nd report card of the year. And I quote.."Emma is really way ahead right now." "She is patient enough to go back and look at her work." "I look forward continuing the year with Emma" YEAH!!!! MY KID ROCKS!!!! THANKS DEBBIE & BONNIE!!!!
listening to "Since Ive been lovin you", by Zeppelin.....genius, man, genius.
take it easy,
Clayyyyyyyyyy
I saw the cutest thing today before my 900am class. This guy (looked 12 years old) is talking to this girl (out of his league) and it is obvious he is trying to ask her out. Ok, so the young man is describing this awesome party he'd been to the night before (Sunday night at a college, some folks party, even on a school night) anyway, the girl says, "I was at a big party last night too." The nervous little guy then says "It was at Apartment number....uhhh.....uhhh....79." Poor guy, the girl says back..."I was there too," I don't remember seeing you there" OUCH!!!!!
Being rejected by a girl is.......well, it just sucks. It's humiliating and so uncomfortable.....yuck. I asked this girl to dance with me once. I was living in Myrtle Beach at the time shortly after graduating. She looks at me, and says..."how old are you, how did you get in here." I was 19 at the $&$##*# time. female dog.
Did anyone see in the paper where Steve "Toby" Mckenzie had his name taken off of a building at UT-Knoxville. Yeah, he didn't make due with a $2 million dollar pledge....he didn't pay, so they whacked his name off the building, like I brush off lent. This is a deal to me because of being a Clevelander. Toby went to school with my mother and they even dated once or twice. SOOOO.....the first thing I see when I get off Amnicola Hwy every morning is "The McKenzie Arena." I will be real sad to see it torn down (Mckenzie has filed for bankruptcy..$151 million) That's just ugly.
I'm about to retire from Facebook. I think I have been active on it for 6 weeks or so, and it's just too much. Facebook and MySpace are not supposed to be ways that we actually communicate with each other. Does anyone speak face to face anymore? Personally, I send far too many text messages and care too much about updating my "status." It's not for me.
My grandmother got herself at big fat flat screen and I could not be more proud of anyone. This lady..my nana...lives so...not simple, but....inexcessive, than anyone I have known. Im so glad she treated herself at 84. She deserves so much more. Great lady, loved by so many.
This piss-poor economy strikes again...a friend of mine just lost her job.....she was "phased out." What the hell does that mean??? It's been 6 days since the Oath of Office enacted and the clock is ticking!!!
Oh...got the Emmamonster's 2nd report card of the year. And I quote.."Emma is really way ahead right now." "She is patient enough to go back and look at her work." "I look forward continuing the year with Emma" YEAH!!!! MY KID ROCKS!!!! THANKS DEBBIE & BONNIE!!!!
listening to "Since Ive been lovin you", by Zeppelin.....genius, man, genius.
take it easy,
Clayyyyyyyyyy
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Let's talk politics...
Wow, what an intense day Tuesday was? I had people from both sides of the aisle up in my grill. Either by phone call, email, or Facebook, I was in a debate/argument with several people. I can only ascertain that some look at me as a liberal democrat, and some folks think I'm a conservative republican.
Truth is, right now, Im neither. I am a free agent. Yeah, I grew up supporting the Republican party through and through. I still am against all this spending going on. I want lower taxes. I favor the 2nd Amendment, and want a strong military...those things make conservative. I am also pro-choice, for gay marriage, against the death penalty, and pro-environment. These traits are liberal...or for the democratic party. Now, understanding how I feel, where should I be placed. My guess, right in the middle.
All that being said, I'm currently riding in the backseat of Obama's bandwagon. Why? Well, there really isn't any other choice. Whether I like it or not, he's in charge for the next 4 years. I want to be able to hope that he does well. If Obama does well, then you would think the economy comes back, the number is troops in Iraq decreases (Notice I did not say pull out of Iraq completely), and maybe their is some real health care reform happening. As a matter of a fact, either side should concede that these things are all great considering the shape we are in now.
I was watching history, but observing something more on Tuesday. I was in the UTC University Center where I had grabbed lunch. I don't go to class until 1215pm on Tuesday, so I'm watching Yo-Yo Ma play the Cello right before the Oath was bumbled, and suddenly it hits me. The entire cafeteria was packed three deep in order to watch two 19" TV's. I was taken aback that these kids were so interested. Myself, I keep up with politics, but figured there was much else interest among those I have classes with. Boy, was I wrong. I dunno, maybe I have a sense for the dramatic, but I really felt like Tuesday was a day that I won't ever forget.
ciao!
Truth is, right now, Im neither. I am a free agent. Yeah, I grew up supporting the Republican party through and through. I still am against all this spending going on. I want lower taxes. I favor the 2nd Amendment, and want a strong military...those things make conservative. I am also pro-choice, for gay marriage, against the death penalty, and pro-environment. These traits are liberal...or for the democratic party. Now, understanding how I feel, where should I be placed. My guess, right in the middle.
All that being said, I'm currently riding in the backseat of Obama's bandwagon. Why? Well, there really isn't any other choice. Whether I like it or not, he's in charge for the next 4 years. I want to be able to hope that he does well. If Obama does well, then you would think the economy comes back, the number is troops in Iraq decreases (Notice I did not say pull out of Iraq completely), and maybe their is some real health care reform happening. As a matter of a fact, either side should concede that these things are all great considering the shape we are in now.
I was watching history, but observing something more on Tuesday. I was in the UTC University Center where I had grabbed lunch. I don't go to class until 1215pm on Tuesday, so I'm watching Yo-Yo Ma play the Cello right before the Oath was bumbled, and suddenly it hits me. The entire cafeteria was packed three deep in order to watch two 19" TV's. I was taken aback that these kids were so interested. Myself, I keep up with politics, but figured there was much else interest among those I have classes with. Boy, was I wrong. I dunno, maybe I have a sense for the dramatic, but I really felt like Tuesday was a day that I won't ever forget.
ciao!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
BCS+$$$$= BS
I wrote this article on the BCS a while back and it doesn't make all the points, but it is topical and some any sportsfans should have an opinion on this topic.
My Argument: Why the Bowl Championship Series that represents college football, should be changed or abolished.
All fans of college football would agree that it has become silly to have a debate on who is number one. There is not one other sport that cannot clearly define it champion. The basis of sportsmanlike competition is that there is a winner and a loser. In other words, a first and a second is required for the competition to end.
Controversy on “who’s number one?” in college football has been a problem since it’s enception in 1889. Many schools claim victories and championships, but many times another team can make the same points as to why they are the best. The best example of this….is to use by beloved Tide as an example
We (bama fans and the University) claim 12 national championships, but the official NCAA record book says we have 6. The University of Tennessee claims 6 National Championships, but like Alabama, has had their number decreased to 2. The point is that there needs to be a playoff to finally determine who is the last team standing.
Playoffs exist in every other known sport played in the US, as well as professional leagues like the NFL or the NBA. These playoffs generate tons of dough to television networks and the Super Bowl is the biggest event in sports each year. No offense to the World Series, or the NBA Finals, but it is simply a fact that the highest rated event (yes, including American Idol and 24) is far and away the Super Bowl.
One supporter of such a playoff is President Elect Barack Obama. Obama has not just used his support of a playoff as a way to be popular with us college football nuts, but has said in several formal interviews that a playoff is the way to go. According to an ABC News interview conducted by Jake Tapper shortly after the season ended on January 6th with Florida beating Oklahoma for the BCS Championship, Obama was asked by Mr. Tapper…”So, who is number one?” Obama’s response was, “That’s why we need a playoff.”
Despite his politics and my own political views either for or against, I believe the President Elect to be a sports fan. Like many others he is frustrated and unsatisfied that a champion cannot be crowned without controversy and second guessing. I am hoping that the folks that stand in the way of such a playoff understand that they are now not only ignoring me and my fellow fans, but the opinion of the soon-to-be Commander in Chief.
It's never too soon to predict to put out a Top 10 for next year. For the record, I predicted Florida would win this year, but by beating USC. Move over Nostradamus.
1- Florida (Tebow will be back, enough said right there, but FU will actually have its entire defense back to boot) Big stretch I know.
2- Texas (Like Florida, they return an All-American QB and plenty of talent everywhere)
3- Oklahoma (This ranking would slide if Sam Bradford declares for the draft which he has not at this point, but OU gave Florida all they wanted and is one of the few teams around that can match SEC speed)
4- Ohio State (Terrelle Pryor will be much better and playing in the Big Ten leads to a soft schedule)
5- USC (They are just going to reload, but they will lose most likely 5-6 players that will go in the first 3 rounds of the NFL draft..that is tough to replace)
6- Florida State (Wild Card Pick here....FSU finished strong at 9-4, and have all that talent coming back..plus the ACC is weak)
7- Alabama (Defensively, look out. Bama will deploy the best front 7 in college football thanks to Mt. Cody and fellow All American linebacker Rolando McClain, but you don't replace 3 offensive linemen and a senior QB without some blowback)
8- Virginia Tech (That game against Bama on Sept 5th in the Georgia Dome will probably set the tone for each team, look what happened with Clemson this past fall. Seriously, 18 starters return from the ACC Champion. Also, they are tougher than nails)
9- LSU (If they find themselves a consistent QB, then the sky is the limit. There is just too much talent for LSU to duplicate the poor season they just had)
10- The Field.....there are several teams I could put here...Ole Miss, Penn State, Boise State, Utah...and so on....so there is my very early Top "9" for 2009.
Can't wait till its starts all over again. Roll Tide Roll!!
My Argument: Why the Bowl Championship Series that represents college football, should be changed or abolished.
All fans of college football would agree that it has become silly to have a debate on who is number one. There is not one other sport that cannot clearly define it champion. The basis of sportsmanlike competition is that there is a winner and a loser. In other words, a first and a second is required for the competition to end.
Controversy on “who’s number one?” in college football has been a problem since it’s enception in 1889. Many schools claim victories and championships, but many times another team can make the same points as to why they are the best. The best example of this….is to use by beloved Tide as an example
We (bama fans and the University) claim 12 national championships, but the official NCAA record book says we have 6. The University of Tennessee claims 6 National Championships, but like Alabama, has had their number decreased to 2. The point is that there needs to be a playoff to finally determine who is the last team standing.
Playoffs exist in every other known sport played in the US, as well as professional leagues like the NFL or the NBA. These playoffs generate tons of dough to television networks and the Super Bowl is the biggest event in sports each year. No offense to the World Series, or the NBA Finals, but it is simply a fact that the highest rated event (yes, including American Idol and 24) is far and away the Super Bowl.
One supporter of such a playoff is President Elect Barack Obama. Obama has not just used his support of a playoff as a way to be popular with us college football nuts, but has said in several formal interviews that a playoff is the way to go. According to an ABC News interview conducted by Jake Tapper shortly after the season ended on January 6th with Florida beating Oklahoma for the BCS Championship, Obama was asked by Mr. Tapper…”So, who is number one?” Obama’s response was, “That’s why we need a playoff.”
Despite his politics and my own political views either for or against, I believe the President Elect to be a sports fan. Like many others he is frustrated and unsatisfied that a champion cannot be crowned without controversy and second guessing. I am hoping that the folks that stand in the way of such a playoff understand that they are now not only ignoring me and my fellow fans, but the opinion of the soon-to-be Commander in Chief.
It's never too soon to predict to put out a Top 10 for next year. For the record, I predicted Florida would win this year, but by beating USC. Move over Nostradamus.
1- Florida (Tebow will be back, enough said right there, but FU will actually have its entire defense back to boot) Big stretch I know.
2- Texas (Like Florida, they return an All-American QB and plenty of talent everywhere)
3- Oklahoma (This ranking would slide if Sam Bradford declares for the draft which he has not at this point, but OU gave Florida all they wanted and is one of the few teams around that can match SEC speed)
4- Ohio State (Terrelle Pryor will be much better and playing in the Big Ten leads to a soft schedule)
5- USC (They are just going to reload, but they will lose most likely 5-6 players that will go in the first 3 rounds of the NFL draft..that is tough to replace)
6- Florida State (Wild Card Pick here....FSU finished strong at 9-4, and have all that talent coming back..plus the ACC is weak)
7- Alabama (Defensively, look out. Bama will deploy the best front 7 in college football thanks to Mt. Cody and fellow All American linebacker Rolando McClain, but you don't replace 3 offensive linemen and a senior QB without some blowback)
8- Virginia Tech (That game against Bama on Sept 5th in the Georgia Dome will probably set the tone for each team, look what happened with Clemson this past fall. Seriously, 18 starters return from the ACC Champion. Also, they are tougher than nails)
9- LSU (If they find themselves a consistent QB, then the sky is the limit. There is just too much talent for LSU to duplicate the poor season they just had)
10- The Field.....there are several teams I could put here...Ole Miss, Penn State, Boise State, Utah...and so on....so there is my very early Top "9" for 2009.
Can't wait till its starts all over again. Roll Tide Roll!!
Monday, January 5, 2009
it's like having your breath knocked out of you........
For those that have never been physically jarred to the point of losing your breath, let me describe the sensation.....you panic. The fact that your diaphram has been rebooted and air is not entering your body is not the awful part....it's that you panic and think for a split second that you won't get your breath back. I think giving my kid back to her mom is similiar.
I dunno. The fact is that the Emmamonster lives with her mother and her family in Charleston, SC. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is 420 miles from my doorstep to Emma's home. That's a long ways. It's ok, I made that call to move away, and her mom is a kick ass mother. I sleep easy knowing that my angel is sleeping on a soft bed under a roof with those that care for her. It helps take the sting out.....but I still lose my appetite the day before I take her back...and that day as well.
No one should feel sorry for me...not at all. I get the privilege to be with Emma nearly 1/3 of the time..including the entire summer. We have a ball and do so much.
I guess I'm just being whiny. I got up this morning and went back to class. It was an overcast day, a little chilly and windy. I found myself detached in each class. Professors are giving out their rules and the syllabus, but I was not paying attention. I've found myself in a daze today, really. I think that as Emma gets older, I am becoming more depressed when she goes away. I think it's because her personality has sprouted wings and she talks to me.
Routine....in a day or two, my level of enthusiasm will climb...that dark cloud will lift. I'll be back to smart assing my away around.....I have to admit, a distraction would be nice, but just like all the other divorced parents I know, I gotta do what I gotta do. 420 miles.....
By request of my little Emmamonster....she wanted me to write my next blog on our dogs....and I cheated to write this junk... for those that want to hear about Willie and Lola....and all their poop, it's coming.
Cheers to everyone, for I will have a beer tonight.
Clay
I dunno. The fact is that the Emmamonster lives with her mother and her family in Charleston, SC. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is 420 miles from my doorstep to Emma's home. That's a long ways. It's ok, I made that call to move away, and her mom is a kick ass mother. I sleep easy knowing that my angel is sleeping on a soft bed under a roof with those that care for her. It helps take the sting out.....but I still lose my appetite the day before I take her back...and that day as well.
No one should feel sorry for me...not at all. I get the privilege to be with Emma nearly 1/3 of the time..including the entire summer. We have a ball and do so much.
I guess I'm just being whiny. I got up this morning and went back to class. It was an overcast day, a little chilly and windy. I found myself detached in each class. Professors are giving out their rules and the syllabus, but I was not paying attention. I've found myself in a daze today, really. I think that as Emma gets older, I am becoming more depressed when she goes away. I think it's because her personality has sprouted wings and she talks to me.
Routine....in a day or two, my level of enthusiasm will climb...that dark cloud will lift. I'll be back to smart assing my away around.....I have to admit, a distraction would be nice, but just like all the other divorced parents I know, I gotta do what I gotta do. 420 miles.....
By request of my little Emmamonster....she wanted me to write my next blog on our dogs....and I cheated to write this junk... for those that want to hear about Willie and Lola....and all their poop, it's coming.
Cheers to everyone, for I will have a beer tonight.
Clay
Friday, January 2, 2009
Leslie gets called out....a "Rockin" New Year's Eve....and BFF's for everyone!!!
This one could run a little long........
First things first. This has been an amazing Holiday Season. Santa hooked this brother up with everything he wanted. Let's see:
- No screwups, no trips to jail, no drunken blackouts, everyone is healthy, Atlanta traffic was decent, and my Nana was feeling better.
- Good Report from my back surgeon
- Spent two days with my sister and brother in law in which we did nothing but reinvent the words, Sloth and Gluttony
-Got a sweet scarf and my 34th pullover (a sweet North Carolina one that was lined). Also, I was given more two books that I can't wait to dig into.
-Have gotten to spend some really good time with Emma. I mean...just Daddy. It's the best.
- Found out I have lost 14 pounds due to eating soymeat so, again, who knew???
Now, there were some newsworthy events over the last few days of 2008...let's start with one of my oldest and dearest friends....Leslie Marie Leach Davis. Lester and I have not seen or spoken to one another since my mother's funeral in 2002. Yes, Leslie andI dated, went together, or whatever it was termed in 1988, for a nanosecond in the 8th grade. After, what Im sure was a brutal break up, we ended up being good friends all the way through HS. She was always there with something positive to say, and gave good counsel. I digress.....
Thanks to the miracle that is Facebook, or FB as I heard it the other night, Bonnie, Emmamonster, and I met Leslie and her cutie of a daughter, Cameron for lunch last Tuesday afternoon....Jenkins Deli, no less.
Now, I gotta be straight and admit that I was a little nervous. There were several factors in play....First, this would mark the first time Bonnie would meet an old flame (ex-wife excluded), and for some dumbass reason I was thinking lightsabres would come out, or there might be hair pulling...alas....Im an idiot. What did happen was remarkable. Emma and Cameron stared each other down for 4 minutes..and now I think Cameron will be a bridesmaid someday. Bonnie jumped into the my conversation with Leslie....and now Leslie will be a bridesmaid for Bonnie someday. I swear I was looking around like a boxer that just took too many to the noggin. Secondly, after lunch, the all new Brady Bunch was on the way to see a movie and children become a cross between a crack head and/or someone that just drank three Red Bull's and straight sugar. Ok, so Im buying extra butter and some popcorn, Bonnie informs me that we are going to Leslie and her husband Joe's house for New Years. Also, Emmamonster and Cameron have asked me if Emma can go play at Leslie and Joe's house......I want to point out here...that Leslie has never met my daughter or my lovely bride to be, and hasn't seen me in 6 years. Things are going fast and furiously. Ok...so now the tough part.......
I have no doubt that I will probably have to admonish, and be a bad guy in front of everyone because Emma acts like she's in the midst of a sugar rush when it comes to movie. So , Iknow Im going ot have to be a bad guy in front of everyone 12-15 times because, that is normally the way it goes with her when the lights go down. I'm hoping that Cameron will be more stable....she's Leslie's kid, so I think I'm safe. Ok....the lights have gone down and a preview is playing.......Get this, I can't even tell you if the kids are behaving because I'm in a three-way conversation that could be heard in an Airplane hangar. I'm breaking my own code!!!! Shut the hell up when the lights come down!!! What am I thinking???? Then a great moment in Clay history arrives with the force of blunt trauma to the face!!!
A woman is walking down our row. I catch a glimpse of her and am about to get up to let her by.......but she stops.....right next to Leslie. She leans down and says to Leslie in a nice, even, calm voice....."Are you going to talk this loud through the whole movie, because if you are, I'm going to have to move." Just seconds before Leslie's face was to turn to the shade of a deep Crimson mixed with......Scarlet, a guttoral laugh started to swell in my belly, for I know that I am about to crap my pants laughing.
I have known this girl for 21 years and as far as I know, she has NEVER,EVER,EVER gotten in trouble with anyone. Teachers had lottery's to have her grace there classes,and just got called out by a grandmother for talking in a movie. Folks, the funniness of our children being angels while we were acting like fools was truly priceless. The thing was....we all put our heads down like we'd been caught in the cookie jar and were embarassed half to death. Maybe, you just had to be there because I rarely laugh out loud (some sort of birth defect) but I giggled and almost choked up my entire chicken salad sandwich. Leslie handled it well though. She just looked at this lady like she was crazy and didn't say a word. It was good that the mild mannered teacher was sitting there. Bonnie and I probably would have said something stupid.
This is going to have to be two.....I haven't even gotten to picking Emma up from Cameron's 3 hours later. I had no idea that I was about to go into a time warp with old stories, high school annuals, lasagna, and blowing out my elbow playing tennis on Wii.
I will just close with the fact that it was the start of a great day.....and the beginning of something bigger.
Part two will probably be tomorrow....Bama plays the Utes in an little while and Ill be full of dip and beer by the time it's over.
Good night.
-
First things first. This has been an amazing Holiday Season. Santa hooked this brother up with everything he wanted. Let's see:
- No screwups, no trips to jail, no drunken blackouts, everyone is healthy, Atlanta traffic was decent, and my Nana was feeling better.
- Good Report from my back surgeon
- Spent two days with my sister and brother in law in which we did nothing but reinvent the words, Sloth and Gluttony
-Got a sweet scarf and my 34th pullover (a sweet North Carolina one that was lined). Also, I was given more two books that I can't wait to dig into.
-Have gotten to spend some really good time with Emma. I mean...just Daddy. It's the best.
- Found out I have lost 14 pounds due to eating soymeat so, again, who knew???
Now, there were some newsworthy events over the last few days of 2008...let's start with one of my oldest and dearest friends....Leslie Marie Leach Davis. Lester and I have not seen or spoken to one another since my mother's funeral in 2002. Yes, Leslie andI dated, went together, or whatever it was termed in 1988, for a nanosecond in the 8th grade. After, what Im sure was a brutal break up, we ended up being good friends all the way through HS. She was always there with something positive to say, and gave good counsel. I digress.....
Thanks to the miracle that is Facebook, or FB as I heard it the other night, Bonnie, Emmamonster, and I met Leslie and her cutie of a daughter, Cameron for lunch last Tuesday afternoon....Jenkins Deli, no less.
Now, I gotta be straight and admit that I was a little nervous. There were several factors in play....First, this would mark the first time Bonnie would meet an old flame (ex-wife excluded), and for some dumbass reason I was thinking lightsabres would come out, or there might be hair pulling...alas....Im an idiot. What did happen was remarkable. Emma and Cameron stared each other down for 4 minutes..and now I think Cameron will be a bridesmaid someday. Bonnie jumped into the my conversation with Leslie....and now Leslie will be a bridesmaid for Bonnie someday. I swear I was looking around like a boxer that just took too many to the noggin. Secondly, after lunch, the all new Brady Bunch was on the way to see a movie and children become a cross between a crack head and/or someone that just drank three Red Bull's and straight sugar. Ok, so Im buying extra butter and some popcorn, Bonnie informs me that we are going to Leslie and her husband Joe's house for New Years. Also, Emmamonster and Cameron have asked me if Emma can go play at Leslie and Joe's house......I want to point out here...that Leslie has never met my daughter or my lovely bride to be, and hasn't seen me in 6 years. Things are going fast and furiously. Ok...so now the tough part.......
I have no doubt that I will probably have to admonish, and be a bad guy in front of everyone because Emma acts like she's in the midst of a sugar rush when it comes to movie. So , Iknow Im going ot have to be a bad guy in front of everyone 12-15 times because, that is normally the way it goes with her when the lights go down. I'm hoping that Cameron will be more stable....she's Leslie's kid, so I think I'm safe. Ok....the lights have gone down and a preview is playing.......Get this, I can't even tell you if the kids are behaving because I'm in a three-way conversation that could be heard in an Airplane hangar. I'm breaking my own code!!!! Shut the hell up when the lights come down!!! What am I thinking???? Then a great moment in Clay history arrives with the force of blunt trauma to the face!!!
A woman is walking down our row. I catch a glimpse of her and am about to get up to let her by.......but she stops.....right next to Leslie. She leans down and says to Leslie in a nice, even, calm voice....."Are you going to talk this loud through the whole movie, because if you are, I'm going to have to move." Just seconds before Leslie's face was to turn to the shade of a deep Crimson mixed with......Scarlet, a guttoral laugh started to swell in my belly, for I know that I am about to crap my pants laughing.
I have known this girl for 21 years and as far as I know, she has NEVER,EVER,EVER gotten in trouble with anyone. Teachers had lottery's to have her grace there classes,and just got called out by a grandmother for talking in a movie. Folks, the funniness of our children being angels while we were acting like fools was truly priceless. The thing was....we all put our heads down like we'd been caught in the cookie jar and were embarassed half to death. Maybe, you just had to be there because I rarely laugh out loud (some sort of birth defect) but I giggled and almost choked up my entire chicken salad sandwich. Leslie handled it well though. She just looked at this lady like she was crazy and didn't say a word. It was good that the mild mannered teacher was sitting there. Bonnie and I probably would have said something stupid.
This is going to have to be two.....I haven't even gotten to picking Emma up from Cameron's 3 hours later. I had no idea that I was about to go into a time warp with old stories, high school annuals, lasagna, and blowing out my elbow playing tennis on Wii.
I will just close with the fact that it was the start of a great day.....and the beginning of something bigger.
Part two will probably be tomorrow....Bama plays the Utes in an little while and Ill be full of dip and beer by the time it's over.
Good night.
-
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