Date Story...for real

So, a Rabbi walks into a bar.....

First of all, I must say that this is what I hope of many first dates. I had a long term girlfriend in high school...had a long relationship after high school...then got married...then got divorced, but right back into a long relationship. SO, for all practical purposes, I have not been single since George Bush SENIOR was in office....or maybe Reagan. SO, wish me luck. Im going to have a lot of fun. I get down to my playing weight....look out.

Ok....so Im at Pint Night at Fox and Hound this past Tuesday. I was sitting in the back with my customary "snakebite." Its a mixture of Woodchuck Cider and Bass Ale for those not in the know. Try it. It will cure what ails you. Ive got my head in a magazine and my laptop is humming close by just in case I miss a Facebook "status" or Jonathan Crompton just threw another interception. Sorry, that was mean.

It's not totally uncommon to see someone you know at Fox and Hound. Hell, where else you gonna go? I wore glasses and a hat...not shaven either, so I was not planning on chatting anyone up. That's when it happens...every single fucking time. **Its my blog, so I can cuss**

I cannot believe who it is. I had the biggest crush on this girl. I mean it was an epic crush. She went to Cleveland and is younger than me...but not by much. Blue eyes....pretty smile...and to quote Axel Rose "her hair reminded me of a warm safe place where as a child I would hide.........Yes, corny, but who in the hell gets a second chance at glory....right? So, I make the perfunctory glances around to do some recon. Ok....no wedding ring. No boyfriend in sight. She's drinking a beer....Well, I couldn't think of a better opportunity to try.

So, I introduce myself and to my pleasure she recogonized me. Lots of questions followed and all that and we hung out for about an hour, but I had to get home. I asked for her phone number and we decided we would hang out Sunday. I told her Id call her Friday.

I call her up Friday about 6......dissuading the many opinions that were given to me. Most of the guys told me to wait days...up to 7. Sorry, I don't have that kind of patience. I was fortunate not to call her at lunch. Impatience=Impulsivity

We made some small talk and I could tell that I was drowning fast so I threw a change up. I said, "hey, all we are doing is sitting here on a Friday night, let's go have a drink." Expecting, "nah, Im in my pajama pants (get it) and Gilmore Girls is on (get it) she said, Ok, where?

Of all the things out of my mouth I said....Bowling. Even Willie covered his eyes with his ears. I could hear all my coolness wheez out of my butt....but no. She said,
yeah, we can get a beer and hang out...and I can kick your ass." Oh, be still my heart


As I left the house, I just wanted to make sure I had socks...socks..socks.....socks....Ok...she beat me to the place, has her shoes, has paid for the game, and is measuring the weight of which ball she's gonna whip me at. Im starting to think....."I know I played sports with this girl some, but I don't remember torturing her like others" Anywhoo, I scored a respectable 111 (for me) She scored 120. I hate losing...so friggin much. I nearly lost my concentration on the reason I was there, but I regained my exposure, bought the giant pretzels as that was the agreed upon wager, and got back in the game.

She had a lot to say. Which is good I think. I mainly acted like a reporter...asking open ended questions like.."Oh, and what did you think about that" or "Tell me about that other thing" I was in no hurry to chat. Im always cognizant of conversations steering themselves my way. My sister will tell you. You just want to jump ship.

Finally, i came up and I brought the big guns. Yep, a picture of Emma. No two ways about it, I will have no problem using my child's beauty when I need to. She gets stuff from me. I jest, but when this fabulous, independent, beautiful woman said..."She's very pretty, and so cute...just like her Daddy." At that point, I was like the Australian Rules Football guy....you know the one that stands there for a second and then points two fingers straight out. TOUCHDOWN.

After 2 beers and another pretzel, we left. I walked her to her car...and we leaned against opposite cars for a little while. We were having that weird chat....i made some bad jokes and finally she goes.."well, I gotta go home, are you going to kiss me or what?" I love 2009. I said, "yes, mam" took a big gulp and laid one on her. I have pretty big lips, so I don't do a lot of tongue stuff, but we were on the same page.

The best part, that UNBELIEVABLE feeling you get when you first kiss someone....It's alive and well people. Make your knees buckle. She gave me a follow up peck on the cheek and I will see her Sunday.

Ive sat on my hump all day glistening in the glory. Who could blame me? You? Screw you!

By the way, this entire story was fiction.........


nah.


love yall!!