it's like having your breath knocked out of you........

For those that have never been physically jarred to the point of losing your breath, let me describe the sensation.....you panic. The fact that your diaphram has been rebooted and air is not entering your body is not the awful part....it's that you panic and think for a split second that you won't get your breath back. I think giving my kid back to her mom is similiar.

I dunno. The fact is that the Emmamonster lives with her mother and her family in Charleston, SC. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is 420 miles from my doorstep to Emma's home. That's a long ways. It's ok, I made that call to move away, and her mom is a kick ass mother. I sleep easy knowing that my angel is sleeping on a soft bed under a roof with those that care for her. It helps take the sting out.....but I still lose my appetite the day before I take her back...and that day as well.

No one should feel sorry for me...not at all. I get the privilege to be with Emma nearly 1/3 of the time..including the entire summer. We have a ball and do so much.

I guess I'm just being whiny. I got up this morning and went back to class. It was an overcast day, a little chilly and windy. I found myself detached in each class. Professors are giving out their rules and the syllabus, but I was not paying attention. I've found myself in a daze today, really. I think that as Emma gets older, I am becoming more depressed when she goes away. I think it's because her personality has sprouted wings and she talks to me.

Routine....in a day or two, my level of enthusiasm will climb...that dark cloud will lift. I'll be back to smart assing my away around.....I have to admit, a distraction would be nice, but just like all the other divorced parents I know, I gotta do what I gotta do. 420 miles.....

By request of my little Emmamonster....she wanted me to write my next blog on our dogs....and I cheated to write this junk... for those that want to hear about Willie and Lola....and all their poop, it's coming.

Cheers to everyone, for I will have a beer tonight.

Clay