Two guys at a Walmart..

This past Thursday, I found myself with a friend doing some shopping at a local Walmart, which leads me to this question. Have we all lost our minds???

After being accosted by the "greeter" and grabbing a shopping cart with only 3 wheels working correctly, I was confronted by the fact that this particular Walmart had more square footage than many small cities. I mean, I could not even see 25 feet in front of me because of the sea of people and dodging Coke displays that are strategically placed exactly where one would walk.

My friend and I had one mission. We needed to get olive oil and weightlifting gloves. I know what you are thinking, but the two purchases are not related. Shame on you. We were perplexed because these two items happened to be on opposite ends of this vast labyrinth. Of course we could have split up, but frankly I was scared that I might not make it out alive.

What are the qualifications for someone to operate one of those little motorized carts? I think that one must know left from right, and have eyesight, but that would be too much. I turned the corner and Dale Earnhardt's grandmother ran me down. Strange thing is that...I said "excuse me," and this grandma looked at me like I was stupid. Well, excuse me, I normally do not look out for elderly people trying to win Daytona when I go to Walmart.

Back to shopping, we dutifully collected the gloves and were headed towards the food area when I looked to my left and saw Walmart lingerie. How uncomfortable to see a pink leopard print thong while shopping with another guy? Do women ever buy fancy panties at Walmart? Anyway, I spotted some dude in the lingerie section with his wife/girlfriend, and I know he just wanted to die. If I was packing, I probably would have ended it for him.

Somehow, we picked up a huge pack of Beef Jerky and are in the beer aisle. Neither of us needed beer, but we were noticing which beers Walmart carried. I was like....Sam Adams Cherry Wheat still available for $9, wonder if they have St. Pauli Girl...nope. Oh well, moving on. My friend was hungry so why not Beef Jerky? I think we were both feeling a little girly, therefore lets buy some junk that makes us men spit.

Finally, we get to the check out area. We only have 3 items, so we are going to "self-checkout." What I saw next was really gross, but I couldn't take my eye off of her. Also in the "self checkout" was a woman who had my body type. Now everyone take that in..........got it???? Ok, now imagine big Clay wearing a size small tank top. That's the only way to describe it. Her belly was hanging out and I could tell she had a "outie" belly button. Couldn't she feel a draft or something? Funny thing was that whoever she was, letting it all hang out was just dandy. My friend and I are considering lasik surgery.

New Top 25 coming up. Thanks for reading.