This past Thursday, I found myself with a friend doing some shopping at a local Walmart, which leads me to this question. Have we all lost our minds???
After being accosted by the "greeter" and grabbing a shopping cart with only 3 wheels working correctly, I was confronted by the fact that this particular Walmart had more square footage than many small cities. I mean, I could not even see 25 feet in front of me because of the sea of people and dodging Coke displays that are strategically placed exactly where one would walk.
My friend and I had one mission. We needed to get olive oil and weightlifting gloves. I know what you are thinking, but the two purchases are not related. Shame on you. We were perplexed because these two items happened to be on opposite ends of this vast labyrinth. Of course we could have split up, but frankly I was scared that I might not make it out alive.
What are the qualifications for someone to operate one of those little motorized carts? I think that one must know left from right, and have eyesight, but that would be too much. I turned the corner and Dale Earnhardt's grandmother ran me down. Strange thing is that...I said "excuse me," and this grandma looked at me like I was stupid. Well, excuse me, I normally do not look out for elderly people trying to win Daytona when I go to Walmart.
Back to shopping, we dutifully collected the gloves and were headed towards the food area when I looked to my left and saw Walmart lingerie. How uncomfortable to see a pink leopard print thong while shopping with another guy? Do women ever buy fancy panties at Walmart? Anyway, I spotted some dude in the lingerie section with his wife/girlfriend, and I know he just wanted to die. If I was packing, I probably would have ended it for him.
Somehow, we picked up a huge pack of Beef Jerky and are in the beer aisle. Neither of us needed beer, but we were noticing which beers Walmart carried. I was like....Sam Adams Cherry Wheat still available for $9, wonder if they have St. Pauli Girl...nope. Oh well, moving on. My friend was hungry so why not Beef Jerky? I think we were both feeling a little girly, therefore lets buy some junk that makes us men spit.
Finally, we get to the check out area. We only have 3 items, so we are going to "self-checkout." What I saw next was really gross, but I couldn't take my eye off of her. Also in the "self checkout" was a woman who had my body type. Now everyone take that in..........got it???? Ok, now imagine big Clay wearing a size small tank top. That's the only way to describe it. Her belly was hanging out and I could tell she had a "outie" belly button. Couldn't she feel a draft or something? Funny thing was that whoever she was, letting it all hang out was just dandy. My friend and I are considering lasik surgery.
New Top 25 coming up. Thanks for reading.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
A few thoughts.......
Doesn't it stink to be Tom Brady right now? I mean, he has to sit on is buttocks for 6 months right beside "Victoria Secret" model Gischelle Bundschen in his huge mansion...counting the millions he gets paid. Perspective people....perspective.
How about Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin? I do find it humorous that the GOP had to go to Alaska to find a woman to run on the McCain ticket. Where could she run and hide to? Russia?? The North Pole??
EVERYONE should read the book I just finished last night. It called "The Road," by Cormac McCarthy. He wrote "No Country for Old Men," which won the best picture Oscar last March. This book won the Pulitzer Prize and was an "Oprah" book selection....whichever is more important for you.
Got to go see Bama play last weekend in Tuscaloosa. It was a perfect day. Dreamland Ribs, the Quad, the Bryant Museum...and most importantly a win. Everyone has their own favorite team and traditions, but a Saturday afternoon at UA is something special. Oh, and the flyover before the game was AWESOME!!!
Does anyone have a really tall ladder. I got this piece of siding that has come off the side of my house....and Im too cheap to call someone to do it, but too fat to climb the roof. HMMM...maybe Bonnie wouldn't mind?
It's finally getting cooler. I hate Global Warming! In all seriousness, it usually cools off after Labor Day anyway, but what did the New Orleans area to do tick off Mother Nature??? Cmon, hit the Atlantic Coast for crying out loud.
I must give a shout out to all the ladies out there that have husbands or whatever that become glass eyed, slack jawed dummies during Sunday afternoon's this fall. It's football season, Im sorry, but we can't help it. Hey, my fantasy team is 1-0 by the way. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
**Bonnie just walked in and called me an idiot for putting the spent egg shells back in the carton...and then putting it back in the fridge** Guilty.
Gotta run and kiss up, or I won't get fed.
How about Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin? I do find it humorous that the GOP had to go to Alaska to find a woman to run on the McCain ticket. Where could she run and hide to? Russia?? The North Pole??
EVERYONE should read the book I just finished last night. It called "The Road," by Cormac McCarthy. He wrote "No Country for Old Men," which won the best picture Oscar last March. This book won the Pulitzer Prize and was an "Oprah" book selection....whichever is more important for you.
Got to go see Bama play last weekend in Tuscaloosa. It was a perfect day. Dreamland Ribs, the Quad, the Bryant Museum...and most importantly a win. Everyone has their own favorite team and traditions, but a Saturday afternoon at UA is something special. Oh, and the flyover before the game was AWESOME!!!
Does anyone have a really tall ladder. I got this piece of siding that has come off the side of my house....and Im too cheap to call someone to do it, but too fat to climb the roof. HMMM...maybe Bonnie wouldn't mind?
It's finally getting cooler. I hate Global Warming! In all seriousness, it usually cools off after Labor Day anyway, but what did the New Orleans area to do tick off Mother Nature??? Cmon, hit the Atlantic Coast for crying out loud.
I must give a shout out to all the ladies out there that have husbands or whatever that become glass eyed, slack jawed dummies during Sunday afternoon's this fall. It's football season, Im sorry, but we can't help it. Hey, my fantasy team is 1-0 by the way. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
**Bonnie just walked in and called me an idiot for putting the spent egg shells back in the carton...and then putting it back in the fridge** Guilty.
Gotta run and kiss up, or I won't get fed.
Monday, September 8, 2008
College Football Top 25 (Sept. 8th edition)
Well, I guess East Carolina is pretty good after whipping Virginia Tech last week and West Virginia next....pretty impressive. This past weekend did not have many matchups that were interesting. Now, next Saturday there are several games that I will have a keen eye on. USC (The real USC, not the one is South Carolina) plays Ohio State for one. The other one will be Auburn playing at Mississippi State. Since I would rather pull for a tree to fall on me that Auburn, here is to State upsetting the War Chickens...or Tigers...or whatever they call themselves.
Not much movement in the Top 25, but I'm sure that will start to change next weekend.
1- Florida
2- USC
3- Oklahoma
4- Ohio State (moved them down one for struggling against Ohio U 26-14)
5- Georgia
6- Missouri
7- LSU
8- Texas
9- Auburn
10- Kansas
11- Wisconsin
12- Penn State
13- Alabama
14- Texas Tech
15- East Carolina
16- BYU (dropped a few spots because they got lucky Saturday)
17- Arizona State
18- Utah
19- Oregon
20- Tennessee
21- TCU
22- Illinois
23- Clemson
24- UCLA
25- VANDERBILT (hey, why not? They are 2-0 and beat South Carolina, and they need love.
Everyone have a great week and thanks for reading.
Not much movement in the Top 25, but I'm sure that will start to change next weekend.
1- Florida
2- USC
3- Oklahoma
4- Ohio State (moved them down one for struggling against Ohio U 26-14)
5- Georgia
6- Missouri
7- LSU
8- Texas
9- Auburn
10- Kansas
11- Wisconsin
12- Penn State
13- Alabama
14- Texas Tech
15- East Carolina
16- BYU (dropped a few spots because they got lucky Saturday)
17- Arizona State
18- Utah
19- Oregon
20- Tennessee
21- TCU
22- Illinois
23- Clemson
24- UCLA
25- VANDERBILT (hey, why not? They are 2-0 and beat South Carolina, and they need love.
Everyone have a great week and thanks for reading.
A guy's night out.
This past Friday night, I was given the ultimate gift.....the "kitchen pass,'' or more commonly known as a "guy's night out." This means that I have no responsibilities whatsoever when it comes to the little lady. Bonnie went over to a friend's house to watch movies and eat dip. I was told to whatever I wanted. Wow....imagine the possibilites.
Well, I started out my extravagant evening by eating at a place in Hixson, TN called Buffalo Wild Wing. It's a typical sports bar. It had lots of TV's, was way too loud, and the food consisted of Wings and whatever you wanted to take a chance on. I suggest staying away from the "Queso" dip. It was quesohorrible. The neat thing about these bars, especially on a Friday around 6pm is that I knew I was the most sober. The bar area was filled with folks that looked like they needed a drink, and bygolly, they got their medicine. Happy hour is truly a happy time.
Anyway, the bar was full, so I had to take a table all to myself. This is usually not a good idea because your server would rather see all four seats filled, not one. I was hoping being overweight would help my cause and make this dude think I was going to ask for the everything on the menu that started with "fried," but no go. He tried to get my drink order, food order, dessert order, and for me to pay before silverware was placed on my table. Great, I feel welcome. Step one on my adventure went flat. Now, on to the main event.
Anyone that knows me knows that I have two peculiar hobbies. One, I read two books a week and the other is that I have no problem sitting in a vast movie theatre by myself. My choices for a movie were bleak, so I decided to go with a movie that I was sure would blow crap up, be violent, and require no thought. This movie was "Death Race." Im not going to bother reviewing this movie. It was crass, uber violent, and a blow to my senses, which is what I wanted. The movie was so bad, it was funny, but with the way theatre's (Northgate 14) are set up with digital sound, even the worst can sound and look pretty cool. As the title suggest, there was a race and lots of death via said race. I walked out less intelligent and with less hearing, but satisfied.
Then I went home. I was back on my couch by 1030. Pretty sad to have the boss ladies permission to hit the town, but Im 34. Maybe I should have crashed a Greek party on campus or whatever but TIVO sounded better.
My point is that as I have gotten older, I don't need all the hoopla anymore. 10 years ago, heck maybe 5 years ago, I would have gotten drunk as a skunk and been out to 2am with some friends, but now that just seems like too much trouble.
Next up.....black socks, burmuda shorts, and a scooter at Walmart. Gotta go drink my juice and take a nap.
Well, I started out my extravagant evening by eating at a place in Hixson, TN called Buffalo Wild Wing. It's a typical sports bar. It had lots of TV's, was way too loud, and the food consisted of Wings and whatever you wanted to take a chance on. I suggest staying away from the "Queso" dip. It was quesohorrible. The neat thing about these bars, especially on a Friday around 6pm is that I knew I was the most sober. The bar area was filled with folks that looked like they needed a drink, and bygolly, they got their medicine. Happy hour is truly a happy time.
Anyway, the bar was full, so I had to take a table all to myself. This is usually not a good idea because your server would rather see all four seats filled, not one. I was hoping being overweight would help my cause and make this dude think I was going to ask for the everything on the menu that started with "fried," but no go. He tried to get my drink order, food order, dessert order, and for me to pay before silverware was placed on my table. Great, I feel welcome. Step one on my adventure went flat. Now, on to the main event.
Anyone that knows me knows that I have two peculiar hobbies. One, I read two books a week and the other is that I have no problem sitting in a vast movie theatre by myself. My choices for a movie were bleak, so I decided to go with a movie that I was sure would blow crap up, be violent, and require no thought. This movie was "Death Race." Im not going to bother reviewing this movie. It was crass, uber violent, and a blow to my senses, which is what I wanted. The movie was so bad, it was funny, but with the way theatre's (Northgate 14) are set up with digital sound, even the worst can sound and look pretty cool. As the title suggest, there was a race and lots of death via said race. I walked out less intelligent and with less hearing, but satisfied.
Then I went home. I was back on my couch by 1030. Pretty sad to have the boss ladies permission to hit the town, but Im 34. Maybe I should have crashed a Greek party on campus or whatever but TIVO sounded better.
My point is that as I have gotten older, I don't need all the hoopla anymore. 10 years ago, heck maybe 5 years ago, I would have gotten drunk as a skunk and been out to 2am with some friends, but now that just seems like too much trouble.
Next up.....black socks, burmuda shorts, and a scooter at Walmart. Gotta go drink my juice and take a nap.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Political Stuff
What kind of blogger/writer would I be if I did not express my opinions regarding the upcoming Cage Match between John McCain and Barack Obama. I do not plan on voting. Currently I am registered to vote in Berkeley County, SC. I do not plan on making the trip. No Sir. Technically, that gives me no reason to complain when "whoever" screws up. No Vote, No Bitching. At that rationale, you would think I would not care and move to Canada. Alas, I LOVE politics and stay up every four years until 3am to count the all the votes. Ironic?
I think the best way to do this is strip away all the policy junk and canned ham answers. Let's get away from the dirty politics and cheap gimmicks, and compare the candidates the way someone like me....or those much less intelligent, may vote.
First...Mr. Obama
Oprah loves him
He's got some game. Although, Ive only seen clips of him dribbling. I don't think he can shoot....hmm...Do I care if the next POTUS can drain a three from the corner in crunch time? (sorry, that's how ESPNITES speak)
He uses the fist pump. Yeah, saw a while back after a speech, he gave his wife Michelle a fist bump after a speech. Am I worried that is not very "presidential," or his it hip. Clinton played the sax for Arsenio, you know? Would JFK fist bumped Jackie O after a speech.
He's for change. Repeat, he's for change. It's like listening to Rocky Top when UT plays....every friggin speech has something in like....George Bush doesn't get it. It's time for change!!! hey, no kidding ....fist bump
Now, Mr. McCain
He's old!!!!
He's been active in cleaning up sports in regards to gambling and organized crime. Hey, Im a big sports guy, I like kinda knowing a boxing match isn't fixed.
He spent 7 years or something in a bamboo box!!! Are you kidding? I feel horrible about this nice chair and desk Im sitting at, not to mention all kinds of mementos.....How did he do number 2??? Hey, everyone wants a President that is tough and can take a punch....or jabbing with a spear.
He's not "W" Poor guy.....the guy behind Georgie boy. It is what it is.
Well, now I know exactly what to do. Vote for Obama and hope he learns to hit that jump shot.
I think the best way to do this is strip away all the policy junk and canned ham answers. Let's get away from the dirty politics and cheap gimmicks, and compare the candidates the way someone like me....or those much less intelligent, may vote.
First...Mr. Obama
Oprah loves him
He's got some game. Although, Ive only seen clips of him dribbling. I don't think he can shoot....hmm...Do I care if the next POTUS can drain a three from the corner in crunch time? (sorry, that's how ESPNITES speak)
He uses the fist pump. Yeah, saw a while back after a speech, he gave his wife Michelle a fist bump after a speech. Am I worried that is not very "presidential," or his it hip. Clinton played the sax for Arsenio, you know? Would JFK fist bumped Jackie O after a speech.
He's for change. Repeat, he's for change. It's like listening to Rocky Top when UT plays....every friggin speech has something in like....George Bush doesn't get it. It's time for change!!! hey, no kidding ....fist bump
Now, Mr. McCain
He's old!!!!
He's been active in cleaning up sports in regards to gambling and organized crime. Hey, Im a big sports guy, I like kinda knowing a boxing match isn't fixed.
He spent 7 years or something in a bamboo box!!! Are you kidding? I feel horrible about this nice chair and desk Im sitting at, not to mention all kinds of mementos.....How did he do number 2??? Hey, everyone wants a President that is tough and can take a punch....or jabbing with a spear.
He's not "W" Poor guy.....the guy behind Georgie boy. It is what it is.
Well, now I know exactly what to do. Vote for Obama and hope he learns to hit that jump shot.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
New College Football Top 25
Wow, was that fun or what. My weekend started on Thursday night and just ended a little more than 12 hours ago. I must admit it's sweet when my Tide whips some butt, and the mighty Vols gag it. It's like going to Dave and Buster's. Eat Drink Play. A man could not ask for more.
Well, I guess putting Mississippi State at 24 was stupid...along with Pittsburgh, Virginia Tech, and Tennessee where they were, but there are going to be upsets. Here is the official Clay Chavis poll that will come out every Tuesday this season. **This poll is not an official poll for the BCS** ha
1- Florida
2- USC
3- Ohio State
4- Oklahoma ( which beat UTC this weekend 57-2)
5-Georgia
6- Missouri
7- LSU
8- Texas
9- Auburn
10- Kansas
11- Wisconsin
12- Penn State
13- BYU
14- Texas Tech
15- Alabama
16- West Virginia
17- Arizona State
18- Utah
19- Oregon
20- TCU
21- Illinois
22- Tennessee
23- Clemson
24- Miami
25- UCLA
Well, I guess putting Mississippi State at 24 was stupid...along with Pittsburgh, Virginia Tech, and Tennessee where they were, but there are going to be upsets. Here is the official Clay Chavis poll that will come out every Tuesday this season. **This poll is not an official poll for the BCS** ha
1- Florida
2- USC
3- Ohio State
4- Oklahoma ( which beat UTC this weekend 57-2)
5-Georgia
6- Missouri
7- LSU
8- Texas
9- Auburn
10- Kansas
11- Wisconsin
12- Penn State
13- BYU
14- Texas Tech
15- Alabama
16- West Virginia
17- Arizona State
18- Utah
19- Oregon
20- TCU
21- Illinois
22- Tennessee
23- Clemson
24- Miami
25- UCLA
Do you have to like your family?
I had an interesting conversation with a friend concerning their family yesterday. They felt they were being treated unfairly and quite frankly disrespected. I agreed with him wholeheartedly. It brought me to the question above. Do you have to like your family? I mean, if there are members of your family, immediate or otherwise, do you have to care about them. What if they don't give a crap about you? What if they have shown over and over that they have no interest in your life, your work, or what you care about.
My late mother once told me that "I love you no matter what, but I don't have to like you right now." Of course to my mother's credit, I was nothing short of a full blown brat that had a smart mouth and a sense of entitlement. That being said, I understand what she meant. I look at my family and I can count on one hand those that truly care about me. The reasoning is probably that I've had my own share of problems and I think I'm pretty stubborn and say things I don't mean sometimes, but shouldn't "love conquer all?" It doesn't and it won't, pure and simple.
I think that the important thing for me is to love everyone that is in my inner circle and not care anymore about people that I used to spend Xmas together or whatever. Those people have moved on and have no interest in nostalgia or getting together for Thanksgiving or whatnot. My job is to love my daughter, my future wife Bonnie, my sister and her husband, and my grandmother. These are the people that love me back......and here is the keyword....UNCONDITIONALLY. It might be a small group, but I will take it. Some folks don't even have that much, so I feel a little humbled to be honest.
Im too old and have too many scars to fake my appreciation or smile through something just because "it's my family." I think that is garbage. There is no reason to be beholden to someone because of a false sense of loyalty. I believe you stake yourself in life, and the earlier the better. If you rely on a parent or whomever to help you or care for you even though the track record says otherwise, well....you are a fool.
Don't get me wrong though. I still get a little jeolous when I see big groups of families' that really care for another, but that's not the case for me. I think it's fine to stop the hypocrisy (sp) and move on with your life. In that case, most of my family will just be people I know.
My late mother once told me that "I love you no matter what, but I don't have to like you right now." Of course to my mother's credit, I was nothing short of a full blown brat that had a smart mouth and a sense of entitlement. That being said, I understand what she meant. I look at my family and I can count on one hand those that truly care about me. The reasoning is probably that I've had my own share of problems and I think I'm pretty stubborn and say things I don't mean sometimes, but shouldn't "love conquer all?" It doesn't and it won't, pure and simple.
I think that the important thing for me is to love everyone that is in my inner circle and not care anymore about people that I used to spend Xmas together or whatever. Those people have moved on and have no interest in nostalgia or getting together for Thanksgiving or whatnot. My job is to love my daughter, my future wife Bonnie, my sister and her husband, and my grandmother. These are the people that love me back......and here is the keyword....UNCONDITIONALLY. It might be a small group, but I will take it. Some folks don't even have that much, so I feel a little humbled to be honest.
Im too old and have too many scars to fake my appreciation or smile through something just because "it's my family." I think that is garbage. There is no reason to be beholden to someone because of a false sense of loyalty. I believe you stake yourself in life, and the earlier the better. If you rely on a parent or whomever to help you or care for you even though the track record says otherwise, well....you are a fool.
Don't get me wrong though. I still get a little jeolous when I see big groups of families' that really care for another, but that's not the case for me. I think it's fine to stop the hypocrisy (sp) and move on with your life. In that case, most of my family will just be people I know.
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