The Russell Crowe Theory......

I was surfing last night and came upon "The Jay Leno Show." What struck my attention was the fact that Russell Crowe was promoting his newest film (Body of Lies) and his hair was really long. He really looked like a chick. As I was watching him talk in that thick Australian accent he has, he was twirling his hair...again like a chick. Wait...I twirl my hair.

Anyway, I normally do not listen to celebrities talk about anything remotely important. So, if I see Barbara Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, or Brangelina spout off on politics or global warming, I shut down. I really do not care what these people say in general. They are great with soundbytes and no matter what they say, the studio audience cheers wildly. Yes, I get it. No War. Everyone should by a hybrid. The earth is melting. "W" is the antichrist. I understand.

Back to the girly looking Gladiator. Jay asked him what he thought of the current financial crisis here in states, in particular the potential trillion (with a T folks) bailout of Wall Street. My first reaction was something like...."This wuss lives in Australia, has a buzillion dollars, and has an accountant tell him how much money he has." However, the big guy made an interesting point. Albeit impossible, it made some sense.

Under the "Gladiator/Master and Commander Plan," Russell thinks every American...all 300 million of us recieve a million dollars free and clear. Under the "GMC Plan," this would increase spending and save the economy. Well, I can assure you that I would spend some serious coin if I got a check from Uncle Sam for a cool million. I think Bonnie would just buy the Galleria Mall in Birmingham and sleep on a cot next to Macy's. I'd drop out of school and see how long it would take me to play every 5 star golf course on the planet. I'm pretty sure that Emma would live like "Richie Rich." Hell, I'd buy her a new dog named "Dollar."

Ahh...to dream. The problem is that demand would exceed supply in about 30 seconds and we would be faced with a new kind of financial dilemma. Japanese industry would take over this country and I'd be eating rice and noodles for the rest of my days. Those same golf courses would be overrun by horrible golfers with bad etiquette and I'd have to wait in line. The new Bonnie Mall would run out of cool stuff pretty quick. Law enforcement and elected official would become even more corrupt...and we wouldn't care. So, I guess paying $4 for gas and wondering why I need to take out a loan to go to Bilo would make sense.

Times are hard people. I'm poor, you're poor, we're all poor. Perhaps, Mr. Crowe should just give us that 300 million himself. I mean, he gets 25 million per movie. Let's give him a city for himself for his troubles. How about Washington DC?

Take care...

Movie Review- "88 Minutes"

Hello everyone. Bonnie and I rented a couple of movies over the weekend from Blockbuster and I thought it would be cool to have a "guest blogger." Of course, 88 Minutes is not at the theatre anymore, but it was so bad I can only hope this review will keep some of you away from it. Anyway, here is Bonnie's review.

Holy crap!! This was one of the worst I 've seen since American Dreamz ( Hugh Grant).
Had this not been a rental I would have walked out 45 minutes into the movie. It was directed by the same guy who somehow screwed up "Righteous Kill"..director Jon Avnet. Now I will give him credit for working on Fried Green Tomatoes. That movie is one of my favorties. However, give him two of the best actors EVER and he will screw it up not once, but twice! Righteous Kill stunk, but not as hard as 88 minutes. I guess when you have both Robert De Niro and Al Pacino at least a few minutes have to be good just from the chemistry. Take one of those away and alone neither one can make one of Avnet's movies tolerable.

These movies are so similar that it's like they were shot at the same time. The same people are in them and they both are flat out awful. I am puzzled by the fact that Pacino is in both. Does he owe Avnet money? "88 minutes" was all over the place. It had so many plot lines it made my brain hurt kinda like watching an unruly child after giving him/her a bag of sugar to munch on. Each plot was just boring and made no sense at all, but lets jumble all of them up and people we have ourselves a movie. There were no cool action/blowing things up to help the movie. It was Pacino walking around talking on the phone about how many minutes he had left to live. I don't want to say too much more and give away the big plot twist. Lesson learned just because a movie has Pacino and/or De Niro in it does not make it good or even tolerable. I wish I had that 2 hours back, I could have used it better watching grass grow. D-

Top 25 (September 29th Edition)

First of all, USC is clearly the best team around, and it's not close. I must admit that I would love to see them play Florida in the BCS because the scoreboard would light up like the 4th of July.- Clay Chavis (9/24/2008)

Yeah, I said that. Even went on record and wrote it. That is the beauty of college football. It's the reason that I start watching at noon and am usually catching highlights at midnight. Just steer me towards the chicken wings and some cold beer and Ill worry about picking weeds on Sunday.

I have been pretty reserved all year in regards to my beloved Crimson Tide. The reason is because I have been disappointed year after year. I had just graduated high school the last time Bama was ranked #2 in the country. There have been several hopeful moments along the way, but probation, coaching stupidity, and the fact that the SEC has gotten so much better has kept Bama from ascending back to the perch it held for the most part of the latter half of the 20th Century. Now, regardless of how we do from here on out, Bama is back, and Im giddy about it.

Now, onto other things. USC and Florida both lost to teams that they should have spanked. LSU struggled with Mississippi State. UT and Auburn set back offensive football by 30 years. Finally, Georgia can put those "black out" jerseys in storage.

Here are some picks for this week and my current top 25.

Tennessee 35
Northern Illinois 7 (The real question is whether Neyland will be even close to full)

Auburn 13
Vanderbilt 7 (I'm sorry, but Vandy needs to beat a good team, not get lucky against a bad one)

Alabama 31 (Classical letdown game here. If you bet, take KU and the points)
Kentucky 17

Missouri 35
Nebraska 27

Miami 17
Florida State 14

Current Record (2-3)


Top 25

1- Oklahoma
2- Alabama
3- Missouri
4- LSU
5- Texas
6- Penn State
7- USC
8- Ohio State
9- Florida
10- BYU
11- South Florida
12- Georgia
13- Auburn
14- Kansas
15- Wisconsin
16- Texas Tech
17- Utah
18- Vanderbilt
19- Wake Forest
20- Georgia Tech
21- Arizona State
22- Notre Dame
23- Miami (Fla)
24- Fresno State
25- North Carolina

Thanks for reading. Roll Tide.
Kentucky 17

Cool Hand Luke has passed away.

Paul Newman died yesterday. The first thing I thought about was that I have used many a line from Newman's movies in my daily lexicon.

"Everyone is blind Sundance, and Im wearing bifocals"- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

"Four Jacks Pal"- The Sting

"No man can eat 50 eggs"- Cool Hand Luke

"You don't leave much when you miss fat man"- The Hustler


Newman was the embodiment of cool. He IS the original Marlboro Man. Those blue eyes could melt molten steel and his presence on screen was undeniable.

In addition to being super pimp tight...he devoted much of his life to charity. All the proceeds from his "Newman's Own" salad dressings go directly to children related charities. After I found out this morning and relayed it to Bonnie, she wanted to know if his dressings would still be made...I certainly hope so. (The Creamy Caesar rocks!!)

Well, I know I can always look forward to seeing his great performances on TV regularly, but knowing that he will never make another movie deeply saddens me. There will never be another Paul Newman.

Movie Review "Righteous Kill"

I have a man crush on both Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino so I was at the noon showing of Righteous Kill opening day. There was no stopping me. Here are two of the greatest actors of all time getting together in the same movie for just the third time. Trivia question, can you name the other two times these guys were in the same film together?....it's a trick question.

I mean, this was supposed to be like a heavyweight title fight, and not a couple of palookas that you see now. This is Ali/Frazier...Tyson/Holyfield...without the ear nibbling. Three Oscars between them...9 nominations. These guys litter my movie collection. The Godfather I and II. Goodfellas. Raging Bull. Taxi Driver. Glengarry Glen Ross. The Insider. Heat. Scent of a Woman. There is no way this could be bad right? Right???? Right?????

I would not call Righteous Kill a bad movie because it wasn't. Death Race was a bad movie, but I was disappointed just the same. "Kill" just didn't have much substance. I thought that the writing was weak and the plot was all over the place. Not to mention that I was completely lost for a little while towards the end of the movie. Of course the worse part was that both me and Bonnie had figured out the big twist after about 30 minutes. Hey, I can look at two hot chicks all day, but if they are stupid, Im gone. That's what it felt like....a couple of great actors standing around with no material. Even these two can't carry a movie if their are pot holes in the story line and poor character development.

Righteous Kill is your typical buddy cop flick. The story is about Pacino and DeNiro as tough as nails....tight as can be partners that become suspects in several vigilante killings. The victims are criminals that have avoided the long arm of the law because of bad police work, witnesses that have croaked, or whatever gets a murderer off the chopping block. Suddenly, these guys end up dead and all of them can be traced back to the Dream Team. **A side bar here. This formula for a movie has been done before. The best example I can think of is "The Star Chamber" which starred Micheal Douglas. I think it came out in 1986 or so. Rent it, it's pretty good.

Meanwhile, there are several subplots that go NOWHERE. Director Jon Avnet really should have just thrown the script out the window and allowed the pros to go to work. Some movies the actors can't act, some movies the plot is as boring as watching my toaster, some movies the special effects give you motion sickness (Speed Racer), but this one has to go to the director. In my opinion a director guides a movie down a specific path and has the sense to get out of the way. Avnet tried to get cute and failed miserably.

Brian Dennehy shows up as the venerable police Captain that uses the same ol lines and is every bit the stereotype. Donnie (brother of Mark) Wahlberg and John Leguizamo are great actors, but they are thrown only scraps and 50 Cent has a part in this, but it's wasted as well.

I might be being a little harsh regarding this film, but I gotta call it like I see it. If this movie starred lets say.....Samuel Jackson and Richard Gere, it would never gotten nearly as much pub and probably would have spent one week at the Big Theatre, then a week at the dollar theatre, then straight to DVD. This movie was average, so I will give it an average grade. C

Top 25 (September 24 Edition)

Hello college football junkies. Im sorry that Im a little tardy on my weekly Top 25.(for those who care) A couple of things that I have noticed now that almost 1/3 of the season is gone. First of all, USC is clearly the best team around, and it's not close. I must admit that I would love to see them play Florida in the BCS because the scoreboard would light up like the 4th of July.

Tennessee stinks right now. I know, I know, Im a Bama guy and I'm biased, but anyone that watched that debacle on Saturday against the Gators could surmise that UT has problems in all three phases of the game. Now that they are 1-2, Coach Phat Fulmer is already on the hot seat and it won't get any easier when they travel to the Plains and play AuBarn (that's what us Bama fans call them, among other things) this Saturday. Im not sure UT's season could be salvaged if they go 1-3 with games against Bama, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi State, and a pretty darn good Vanderbilt team.

Im going to add something this week. Im going to select a few games and pick the winners and see how I do over the rest of the season. Let's start with the biggest game of the weekend.

Georgia 24
Alabama 17 (Bama's a year away from competing at a level the Dawgs have attained already)

Auburn 17
Tennessee 10 (The Barn's defense will be the toughest yet for the Vols and Crompton is shaky)

Florida 41
Ole Miss 20 (This one might be close for awhile, but the Gators will pull away)

LSU 31
Mississippi State 3 (Sorry Brian and Bonnie, but MSU can't score)

Wisconsin 35
Michigan 17 (I wonder if Rich Rodriquez wishes he was still playing Connecticut)


Now the Top 25..


1- USC
2- Florida
3- Oklahoma
4- Missouri
5- Georgia
6- LSU
7- Texas
8- Alabama
9- Wisconsin
10- Penn State
11- Ohio State
12- BYU
13- Kansas
14- Texas Tech
15- South Florida
16- Auburn
17- Utah
18- Illinois
19- Clemson
20- TCU
21- East Carolina
22- Vanderbilt (hey, I was the first one to put them in a Top 25)
23- TCU
24- Arizona State
25- Georgia Tech

Everyone have a great weekend. Ciao.

Not with a bang, but a whimper...

My grandmother called me Sunday morning to tell me that my cousin Lynn had died. Lynn is a 3rd cousin and I have not laid eyes upon her in more than 20 years. I was told that the most probable cause of death was an overdose of the medications that she was taking. I do not know what drugs she was taking or what they were for, but I know she died alone, and that is a shame.

As most families' have skeletons in closets and secrets by the truck load, I can not speak definetively as to what was cause of her excommunication from her family, as well as the extended family that includes me and my sister, but I can only guess that Lynn fell victim to a stigma that is very hard to ignore. Over the years, the bits and pieces that I had heard had her pegged as a lesbian and a drug addict. Either of those are not causes for someone to live as a pariah and be shunned at every turn. Just weeks ago Lynn's grandmother died and I heard for myself from someone close to her situation say that "It's best that she's not here." Personally, if I lost my grandmother, it would take a large battalion of Marines to keep me from paying my last respects, but I digress.

See, I feel that I have much in common with Lynn. She was mentally ill and I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and most people feel one way or another about mental illness. The first way is to believe that "it's all in your head," and that it is "just an excuse for bad behavior." My own father thinks that "it's all a bunch of bullshit," to use his quote ,when I once tried to explain what was going on in my life. He blamed the pills that I took and the symptoms of my illness on other people....like it was black magic. In truth, manic depression is real and according to webmd.com, over 2 million people suffer from bipolar disorder.

The symptoms are pretty straightforward. Anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, and racing thoughts are very common. For me, the most debiliating symptom is the fact that I wake up every morning so nervous and anxious that I am sometimes out of breath. Insomnia is next. Most people who know me laugh when they get emails or whatever when it's 3am in the morning. People, it's not by choice that I am up, and more frustrating is the fact that I cannot do anything about it.

I do take drugs for my problems. Three to be exact. The first one (Trazodone) is to relieve depression and allow me to stay "even" throughout a day. The second is Klonopin. Klonopin is in the same family as Xanex or Valium. I take Klonopin up to three times a day depending on how bad I feel....or as I like to say, how bad my "spells" are. Finally, I take an anti-psychotic medication called Seroquel. Seroquel is basically synthetic Thorazine. It has one and only one function.....that is to knock me out so I can sleep. I take up to 600mg of Seroquel each night and I can assure you that that dosage would drop a horse or put a "normal" person to sleep for 24-48 hours. I have given a half of one of these to a couple of people complaining of not being able to sleep and after that...they didn't complain anymore.

My point is that mental illnesses such as depression, bipolar disorder, panic attacks, post-partum depression are very real and are very hard to live with. These problems are part genetic and part learned behavior. For example, I am predisposed to mental illness. I know of at least 4 family members on just my mother's side that have suffered from problems ranging from alcoholism and manic depression to obsessive compulsive disorder. Mental illness is just like Cancer or heart disease when it comes to heredity. The question is, what makes someone predisposed to fall into mental illness.

According to two different psychiatrists that I have seen, the most common way to light the fuse is physical or verbal abuse as a child. The second way is the use of drugs and/or alcohol. The third is trauma, either physical or emotional. Not a difficult stretch for me to figure out what went wrong and when it happened.

The good news is that I take my medications EXACTLY as prescribed and see a professional to talk about my issues every few months. I believe that anyone can function normally as long as they are honest with themselves and get help. Although I will never be cured and will always have mood swings and bouts with my temper, I am able to concentrate and take care of myself whenever a black cloud arises.

So, next time you hear that someone "has that Bipolar thing," or that someone is crazy, try and understand that you might know someone very close that suffers from some sort of mental illness. It's no joke. More people suffer from Bipolar disorder than you think.

Take care.