Imagine a basketball circus. Clowns, acrobatics, and some pretty good basketball all mixed in meant that the legendary "Harlem Globetrotters" were in the building. In front of a big crowd at McKenzie Arena last Wednesday night, the clown princes of basketball put on a show.
For 84 years, the Globetrotters have traversed the world entertaining millions. They have played for both President's and Pope's. For one night, Chattanooga held the privilege.
There is so much more to going to see the 'Trotters play than basketball. The comedic act that is performed on the hardwood would rival comedy preformed on any stage. And yes, they threw water on some poor folks sitting up front, just like they always have.
The leader of the 'Trotters was "Special K." K was about 6-7 or so and pretty lean, but his mouth was a non-stop narrative of what was going on. While performing dazzling stunts with a basketball, "K" was telling a joke, talking trash, or asking a fan for some popcorn.
Everybody for the Globetrotters had a cool name. "Ant" and "Scooter" were two of my favorites. The referees were aloof and were played the fool, and who can argue with that?
A couple of poor fans were pulled out on the court. Unfortunately, the general public does not have a good free throw percentage. I saw 11 straight bricks go up before one shot mercifully went in. A "Bronx cheer" went up as the awkwardness faded away.
Oh, the game itself. Well, the foil to our heroic Globetrotters would be the Washington Generals. The Generals play the Globetrotters night after night, and guess what, they have never won. Imagine a dream where you lose over and over. The Generals, dressed in green and yellow, kept the game close enough to make it interesting for the kids that didn't know any better.
The Globetrotters play basketball as if they were on roller skates and there were trampolines in every direction. The 'Trotters have a play in which they run every time on offense. It's called the "weave" and each player passes and then loops around a larger player in a figure eight pattern. At the center tonight was "Special K," verbally directing traffic as the basketball was moving from player to player like a dizzying effect.
Finally, "Special K" would rap up his bit, and either bounce it off the floor, off the backboard, or any other conceivable way in order the other players could take turns trying to bend the rims with one dazzling dunk after another.
The final score was 73-67, and it was punctuated by a furious, teeth rattling jam..over a referee unaware below. That's how you call it a night.
[Photo]
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Scenes from an 8th grade basketball game....
First, let me say I'm sorry. I have spent the last 6 months with one sad blog after another. When did I get so mellow?
I have had an opportunity to go to some local basketball games of late. Specifically, I've been watching Lake Forest's teams. Junior High, excuse me, Middle School basketball sure has changed.
The other night, not only did we stand for the national anthem, but someone came out and sang it. I thought I was at a Yankees game. Next thing I hear is my own father's voice booming from behind a microphone, letting the maybe 150 folks in attendance, know the starting lineups. I was freaking out. The atmosphere was intimidating. A true home court advantage for sure.
See, I played at Bradley Junior from 1987-1989. It was old-school. Practice consisted of nothing but fundamentals: like ball handling drills, defensive positioning, and most importantly....conditioning. The three point line came out when I was in 8th grade. It was considered to be an "evil" part of the game. I'd say that you would see maybe 1 or 2 shots from downtown a night.
At Lake Forest, it was raining threes....and behind the back passes......dribbling between legs.....players animated. At first I thought, this is sacrilege. These boys don't know how to play. Turns out, I got used to it.
So, as I sit at the scorers table watching the game in a chair designed for pre-schoolers, and sitting by my father, a wind blew through the gymnasium. Kinda like someone broke wind.
Where were you when you heard Lane Kiffin had left UT? Now, let that sink in a bit. Sports fan or not, it was news. Even though an earthquake destroyed Haiti earlier, the buzzword was Lane Kiffin. Let me play this out as it happened......
A couple of kids came up to my father and taunted him by saying, "Lane Kiffin to USC." I figured that they were given my Dad a hard time because he's such a fan.
Dad: Uh, oh. That's Charles. (Charles is my grandfather, who lives in Memphis, TN, and graduated from Tennessee...a big fan)
Clay: Maybe there is something to this. (I then turn behind me and ask Cheryl for her PINK Blackberry, wanting to look up ESPN.com)
Clay: Yeah, Dad. It says here that Kiffin is leaving..taking his Dad and Orgeron.
My father reached over and picked up the microphone. "Ladies and Gentlemen, ESPN is reporting that Tennessee football coach Lane Kiffin has resigned from UT and is taking a job at USC."
Folks, I'm sitting right next my Dad. I'm in an Alabama pullover, with a white Alabama toboggan. I'm also holding a pink blackberry. I was convinced I was about to be hit with a bottle in the back of the head.
The basketball ceased to exist. One of the Lake Forest coaches looked over and said, "Really?" Several shouts from the crowd went out. Three complete strangers came to the table and had questions. I could hear some choice words as well. Something like, $@#$ Kiffin, or something about his mother.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you football in the South...or more specifically Cleveland, TN. As I write this, I have been fortunate to be on the sidelines of an NCAA basketball tournament, but that moment at Lake Forest Middle School was about the most intense scene I've ever been around. As I said, about 150 people.
Lake Forest won by the way.
Clayyyy
I have had an opportunity to go to some local basketball games of late. Specifically, I've been watching Lake Forest's teams. Junior High, excuse me, Middle School basketball sure has changed.
The other night, not only did we stand for the national anthem, but someone came out and sang it. I thought I was at a Yankees game. Next thing I hear is my own father's voice booming from behind a microphone, letting the maybe 150 folks in attendance, know the starting lineups. I was freaking out. The atmosphere was intimidating. A true home court advantage for sure.
See, I played at Bradley Junior from 1987-1989. It was old-school. Practice consisted of nothing but fundamentals: like ball handling drills, defensive positioning, and most importantly....conditioning. The three point line came out when I was in 8th grade. It was considered to be an "evil" part of the game. I'd say that you would see maybe 1 or 2 shots from downtown a night.
At Lake Forest, it was raining threes....and behind the back passes......dribbling between legs.....players animated. At first I thought, this is sacrilege. These boys don't know how to play. Turns out, I got used to it.
So, as I sit at the scorers table watching the game in a chair designed for pre-schoolers, and sitting by my father, a wind blew through the gymnasium. Kinda like someone broke wind.
Where were you when you heard Lane Kiffin had left UT? Now, let that sink in a bit. Sports fan or not, it was news. Even though an earthquake destroyed Haiti earlier, the buzzword was Lane Kiffin. Let me play this out as it happened......
A couple of kids came up to my father and taunted him by saying, "Lane Kiffin to USC." I figured that they were given my Dad a hard time because he's such a fan.
Dad: Uh, oh. That's Charles. (Charles is my grandfather, who lives in Memphis, TN, and graduated from Tennessee...a big fan)
Clay: Maybe there is something to this. (I then turn behind me and ask Cheryl for her PINK Blackberry, wanting to look up ESPN.com)
Clay: Yeah, Dad. It says here that Kiffin is leaving..taking his Dad and Orgeron.
My father reached over and picked up the microphone. "Ladies and Gentlemen, ESPN is reporting that Tennessee football coach Lane Kiffin has resigned from UT and is taking a job at USC."
Folks, I'm sitting right next my Dad. I'm in an Alabama pullover, with a white Alabama toboggan. I'm also holding a pink blackberry. I was convinced I was about to be hit with a bottle in the back of the head.
The basketball ceased to exist. One of the Lake Forest coaches looked over and said, "Really?" Several shouts from the crowd went out. Three complete strangers came to the table and had questions. I could hear some choice words as well. Something like, $@#$ Kiffin, or something about his mother.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you football in the South...or more specifically Cleveland, TN. As I write this, I have been fortunate to be on the sidelines of an NCAA basketball tournament, but that moment at Lake Forest Middle School was about the most intense scene I've ever been around. As I said, about 150 people.
Lake Forest won by the way.
Clayyyy
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Happy New Year's
2010....who would have thunk it? I'd be sitting here typing this mess. I am at, what I would consider the greatest crossroad of my life. Here, now, it's more important than any other time in my life. Why?
I'm 35 years old. I think if I get lucky, I might be halfway complete with my life. Yeah, I seriously doubt I'll be so spry at 70. Since I'm a little past halfway through life, n0w would be a good time for some self-assessment.
Let's do this a simple way. Pros vs. Cons.
Pro.....I am the luckiest son of a bitch in the world to have a beautiful girl, who is kind, gentle, and my daughter.
Con......I live 420 miles away from her. Is there not a greater irony of my life in which I live so far away from what gives me strength? Something must change.
Pro- As luck would shine down on me again, I have fallen for someone. Yep, little different this time though. I'm comfortable in my own skin with her. I'm never comfortable, even if I'm asleep.
Con- It makes me nervous. (Only me)
Pro I have found God. It's not time for me to lay it down, but for the first time, I not looking straight down when I walk. There is a sense of purpose.
Con- I'm terrified.
I like that old saying. "Wherever you go, there you are," it seems right. For all the mediocrity and worse that I have put up with, there is still time. Lots of it, really. My decisions during this time will not only affect me, but those that I care for. The last time I felt like this was....well....it was another time. Anyway.......
clayyyy
I hope everyone enjoyed themselves over the holidays. Emma was here for a week and we set a new land speed recored in order to get everything done. God Bless.
I'm 35 years old. I think if I get lucky, I might be halfway complete with my life. Yeah, I seriously doubt I'll be so spry at 70. Since I'm a little past halfway through life, n0w would be a good time for some self-assessment.
Let's do this a simple way. Pros vs. Cons.
Pro.....I am the luckiest son of a bitch in the world to have a beautiful girl, who is kind, gentle, and my daughter.
Con......I live 420 miles away from her. Is there not a greater irony of my life in which I live so far away from what gives me strength? Something must change.
Pro- As luck would shine down on me again, I have fallen for someone. Yep, little different this time though. I'm comfortable in my own skin with her. I'm never comfortable, even if I'm asleep.
Con- It makes me nervous. (Only me)
Pro I have found God. It's not time for me to lay it down, but for the first time, I not looking straight down when I walk. There is a sense of purpose.
Con- I'm terrified.
I like that old saying. "Wherever you go, there you are," it seems right. For all the mediocrity and worse that I have put up with, there is still time. Lots of it, really. My decisions during this time will not only affect me, but those that I care for. The last time I felt like this was....well....it was another time. Anyway.......
clayyyy
I hope everyone enjoyed themselves over the holidays. Emma was here for a week and we set a new land speed recored in order to get everything done. God Bless.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas back in the day
As I write this, I must admit that I am tearing up. I don't know exactly why, but I am. I think it's because I am remembering a tradition that was held for many, many years.
Christmas Eve was a very special time for my family. There was a time when my immediate family would come together for one night and put our differences aside.
It was a time that we would go around the room and open presents. My cousin and I would get the same exact thing from my Nana and Papaw. Everything was the same, right down to the matching sets of underwear. I remember one time David and I got ink pens that opened up like switchblades. How cool is that? Of course, there were some stinkers in there as well.
Most memorable was the purple sweatsuit that Nana got me. David's was navy if I remember correctly, but mine was Barney like purple. I've told this story before, but when I tried it on, I looked like "Grimace." Nana replied, "Clay, that just looks great on you." How could I argue with that.
My job was to make "Whispers." A "Whisper" is a delightful concoction that I learned how to make back in my bartending days. It's Vanilla ice cream, Bailey's Irish Creme, Hazelnut Liquor, and a little milk. The only time I have ever seen my Nana take a sip of alcohol was on Christmas Eve. Her cheeks would get a little red.
My memories of my kid sister come to mind. She had that red hair that seemed to glow against the colors of Christmas. She would bounce around in a cute dress from one person to another. Always so happy and affectionate. Steph was everyone's little favorite, especially with my Papaw. It such a great memory to see Stephanie sitting in Papaw's lap. You know what it's like to sit in that lap, you might as well sit upon a throne. Steph was the princess.
My Mom and Aunt Jane seemed to interchange in the kitchen. Sausage balls, those little weenie things in BBQ sauce, every dip imaginable......the food just kept coming. My mother would always burn the rolls, but it was to be expected. The woman never saw a timer she liked.
As the evening would seemingly come to a close, the music would start. Each Uncle, Step-Dad, son, daughter would have a chance to play a song. Inevitably, there would be dancing. Steph would stand on a chair. Nana and Papaw would kiss each other for a split second. (PDA was frowned upon, I guess) and finally I would get to dance with my mom. Each year, I would get a little taller. Mom was 5-10, so it took a long time to look into those brown eyes, but I finally caught up. She would tell me she loved me, and I her. I miss her very much. I miss everyone very much.
Now, time has moved on. Some have passed on gracefully like my hero Grandfather. Some have died too young. Some have their own families, and some have moved away. But I still remember every single moment.
I was lucky. If you still bother to read this, please don't take it for granted. Celebrate each other as hard as you can. It won't last forever.
Merry Xmas. Love to everyone.
Clay
Christmas Eve was a very special time for my family. There was a time when my immediate family would come together for one night and put our differences aside.
It was a time that we would go around the room and open presents. My cousin and I would get the same exact thing from my Nana and Papaw. Everything was the same, right down to the matching sets of underwear. I remember one time David and I got ink pens that opened up like switchblades. How cool is that? Of course, there were some stinkers in there as well.
Most memorable was the purple sweatsuit that Nana got me. David's was navy if I remember correctly, but mine was Barney like purple. I've told this story before, but when I tried it on, I looked like "Grimace." Nana replied, "Clay, that just looks great on you." How could I argue with that.
My job was to make "Whispers." A "Whisper" is a delightful concoction that I learned how to make back in my bartending days. It's Vanilla ice cream, Bailey's Irish Creme, Hazelnut Liquor, and a little milk. The only time I have ever seen my Nana take a sip of alcohol was on Christmas Eve. Her cheeks would get a little red.
My memories of my kid sister come to mind. She had that red hair that seemed to glow against the colors of Christmas. She would bounce around in a cute dress from one person to another. Always so happy and affectionate. Steph was everyone's little favorite, especially with my Papaw. It such a great memory to see Stephanie sitting in Papaw's lap. You know what it's like to sit in that lap, you might as well sit upon a throne. Steph was the princess.
My Mom and Aunt Jane seemed to interchange in the kitchen. Sausage balls, those little weenie things in BBQ sauce, every dip imaginable......the food just kept coming. My mother would always burn the rolls, but it was to be expected. The woman never saw a timer she liked.
As the evening would seemingly come to a close, the music would start. Each Uncle, Step-Dad, son, daughter would have a chance to play a song. Inevitably, there would be dancing. Steph would stand on a chair. Nana and Papaw would kiss each other for a split second. (PDA was frowned upon, I guess) and finally I would get to dance with my mom. Each year, I would get a little taller. Mom was 5-10, so it took a long time to look into those brown eyes, but I finally caught up. She would tell me she loved me, and I her. I miss her very much. I miss everyone very much.
Now, time has moved on. Some have passed on gracefully like my hero Grandfather. Some have died too young. Some have their own families, and some have moved away. But I still remember every single moment.
I was lucky. If you still bother to read this, please don't take it for granted. Celebrate each other as hard as you can. It won't last forever.
Merry Xmas. Love to everyone.
Clay
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thanksgiving
So, my family went in all directions over Thanksgiving. Emmamonster was staying with her Mom over the break, but I was fortunate to have very special friends (Chris and Jenny) that invited me over for dinner. I got more than I bargained for. I was expecting to just eat my weight and leave, but I found a new perspective for family and friends.
Of course, the most pressing thing was the awkwardness that comes when you are someone's house and are going through the introductions. For some reason, I feel so awful when this happens. I'm a very outgoing person naturally, but I equate introductions to an inquisition. "Hi, my name is Clay. Do you mind if I give you my life story before we sit down." It's just insecurity of course, but I do it every single time.
The first thing I noticed was how beautiful everyone's kids were. I just sat there gawking at these children that were all dressed up in their "Sunday" best, for just this occasion. My eyes were especially glued to this angelic little girl, whose name now escapes me. I mean, figure skating was on the TV, so "people watching" was what I was forced to do. You ever notice how sweet kids are when they are trying to integrate into the group? They slowly walk up and want to play....they have this sheepish look......they don't know what to say......finally, they get the courage and the next thing you know, they are breaking and tearing stuff up just like the other kids. It's a lot like dating....actually. But, I digress.
The entire time it was all I could muster not to tear up, because I was thinking about Emma. Emma was in Spartanburg with her cousins, but I wanted to be there....each kid that walked in front of me was a little older than the next. So, suddenly I was delving deep into my brain to remember Emma at 3, then at 5, then 7. My fondest Thanksgiving memory was when Emma was 4. Emma was really beginning to become chatty. I just remember her sitting on my stomach as we split some ice cream. "More, Daddy, quit eating all of it" I was inches from cracking up and crying a couple of times, but I knew I would have other opportunities to make an ass of myself...sure enough I did not disappoint.
Of course, you can't have a holiday without a few Griswald moments to go along. Speaking of which. "Christmas Vacation" has now officially replaced "A Christmas Story" as the movie to watch over the holidays. "Hey Clark, Shitter's full," says Uncle Eddie. That is just classic. Anyway, back to my Turkey day adventure. So, I was on my way to get my second helping of food when I made a big boo boo. I had somehow or another spilled something all over my lap. In addition, for the zillionth time, my fly was down. Why can't I remember something that most 3rd graders mastered while in Kingergarten. I think I'm just lazy when it comes to that, or I think that I am perpetually in pajama pants. How in the world did I get cranberry sauce on my pants....My entire purpose of the day was to get out alive. I should have prayed for not embarrassing myself while I was at it. No dice.
Well, I played it off pretty cool like, or so I thought. Slight of hand and all. As I am trying to clean myself out...while looking cool, I look up and yep, one of these cute little kids is looking at me like I was the boogeyman himself. It's bad enough that I wasn't family, but now I looked like a hobo with bladder issues. The little one took off in a Usain Bolt. I was terrified that I was going to have to explain my sheer lack of coordination to an angry parent that I just meant. Time to go, Clay.
Thanksgiving is not even near the top of the list of favorite holidays. I really didn't understand what it's all about. I mean, are we really celebrating pilgrims...Indians....whatever. I don't get it exactly. The part where we "give thanks" is where I get lost. I thought Thankgiving was the day before "Black Friday" As I stood in the middle of a room with mostly strangers, I finally figured it out. These folks are thankful for each other....for their family, their mothers, their cousins...it has nothing to do with the Cowboy game on the TV or the really good food we are about to devour.
My problem is that my family has divided into other families. My sister celebrates with her husband and his family. My daughter is with her mother and her family.....Nana even went out with some friends. My Dad has his family now. So, what's my family? I dunno. I've got Willie, but no one that shares my last name is stopping by. Why is that? My guess is that family's evolve.....and keep evolving.
I think I want more family. I miss it. Christmas is coming up and it's bittersweet.....sweet mostly, but you cannot have a holiday without thinking of those you have lost...and the ones you have, so I December is emotional, I guess. The good news is that the Monster will be here for a while and that's my present. Of course, she has ordered me to get a Xmas tree. I really was hoping I was through all the pageantry of Xmas, but when you have a 9 year old...forgeddaboutit.
It's not about being blessed more than others...It's not a race. It's not like Facebook where you can say.."Hey, I've got 229 friends." I just need one....thankfully.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.....see you soon.
Clayyyyyyyyyy
Of course, the most pressing thing was the awkwardness that comes when you are someone's house and are going through the introductions. For some reason, I feel so awful when this happens. I'm a very outgoing person naturally, but I equate introductions to an inquisition. "Hi, my name is Clay. Do you mind if I give you my life story before we sit down." It's just insecurity of course, but I do it every single time.
The first thing I noticed was how beautiful everyone's kids were. I just sat there gawking at these children that were all dressed up in their "Sunday" best, for just this occasion. My eyes were especially glued to this angelic little girl, whose name now escapes me. I mean, figure skating was on the TV, so "people watching" was what I was forced to do. You ever notice how sweet kids are when they are trying to integrate into the group? They slowly walk up and want to play....they have this sheepish look......they don't know what to say......finally, they get the courage and the next thing you know, they are breaking and tearing stuff up just like the other kids. It's a lot like dating....actually. But, I digress.
The entire time it was all I could muster not to tear up, because I was thinking about Emma. Emma was in Spartanburg with her cousins, but I wanted to be there....each kid that walked in front of me was a little older than the next. So, suddenly I was delving deep into my brain to remember Emma at 3, then at 5, then 7. My fondest Thanksgiving memory was when Emma was 4. Emma was really beginning to become chatty. I just remember her sitting on my stomach as we split some ice cream. "More, Daddy, quit eating all of it" I was inches from cracking up and crying a couple of times, but I knew I would have other opportunities to make an ass of myself...sure enough I did not disappoint.
Of course, you can't have a holiday without a few Griswald moments to go along. Speaking of which. "Christmas Vacation" has now officially replaced "A Christmas Story" as the movie to watch over the holidays. "Hey Clark, Shitter's full," says Uncle Eddie. That is just classic. Anyway, back to my Turkey day adventure. So, I was on my way to get my second helping of food when I made a big boo boo. I had somehow or another spilled something all over my lap. In addition, for the zillionth time, my fly was down. Why can't I remember something that most 3rd graders mastered while in Kingergarten. I think I'm just lazy when it comes to that, or I think that I am perpetually in pajama pants. How in the world did I get cranberry sauce on my pants....My entire purpose of the day was to get out alive. I should have prayed for not embarrassing myself while I was at it. No dice.
Well, I played it off pretty cool like, or so I thought. Slight of hand and all. As I am trying to clean myself out...while looking cool, I look up and yep, one of these cute little kids is looking at me like I was the boogeyman himself. It's bad enough that I wasn't family, but now I looked like a hobo with bladder issues. The little one took off in a Usain Bolt. I was terrified that I was going to have to explain my sheer lack of coordination to an angry parent that I just meant. Time to go, Clay.
Thanksgiving is not even near the top of the list of favorite holidays. I really didn't understand what it's all about. I mean, are we really celebrating pilgrims...Indians....whatever. I don't get it exactly. The part where we "give thanks" is where I get lost. I thought Thankgiving was the day before "Black Friday" As I stood in the middle of a room with mostly strangers, I finally figured it out. These folks are thankful for each other....for their family, their mothers, their cousins...it has nothing to do with the Cowboy game on the TV or the really good food we are about to devour.
My problem is that my family has divided into other families. My sister celebrates with her husband and his family. My daughter is with her mother and her family.....Nana even went out with some friends. My Dad has his family now. So, what's my family? I dunno. I've got Willie, but no one that shares my last name is stopping by. Why is that? My guess is that family's evolve.....and keep evolving.
I think I want more family. I miss it. Christmas is coming up and it's bittersweet.....sweet mostly, but you cannot have a holiday without thinking of those you have lost...and the ones you have, so I December is emotional, I guess. The good news is that the Monster will be here for a while and that's my present. Of course, she has ordered me to get a Xmas tree. I really was hoping I was through all the pageantry of Xmas, but when you have a 9 year old...forgeddaboutit.
It's not about being blessed more than others...It's not a race. It's not like Facebook where you can say.."Hey, I've got 229 friends." I just need one....thankfully.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.....see you soon.
Clayyyyyyyyyy
Thursday, October 22, 2009
eavesdropping
Let's take a sec...and get away from the gloom and doom. Sheesh...I just barely got started on my "Nut House" memoirs and have a long way to go. I just have to get them down on something other than toilet paper.
Ive been at Panera Bread all morning. It's a million voices all at once....and those annoying vibrating things that signal your food is ready.......I jump everytime those things go off. Luckily, the head phones are on and I need a boost.....Beethoven's Ninth....."Choir Version of Ode to Joy." Can you believe this guy composed this song by cutting the legs off a piano so he could feel the vibrations? That is genius.....and it's no one has ever come close. Mozart was a punk.
Anyway, to my left is a group of older gentlemen that seem to come here often. From what I have overheard they are discussing the end of the world. I don't see a Mayan Calendar, but they are discussing something they saw on the Bible channel. Is it me, or should the Bible channel (or whatever it is called) have like more uplifting stuff in it's programming. They are intense about it. Another thing....if I was getting coffee on my AARP card, which I will.....well scratch that......I would be discussing anything but the end of the world. Hell, it's coming for them anyway. Don't rush it pal.
Two other elderly gentlemen just about put me to sleep. Let me give you the conversation and try to stay awake. "Uh, gas went up again Earl...yep, 14 cents overnight." "Yeah, Im getting my oil changed next week, think Im gonna try that synthetic oil this time." "Hey, it's 11, the coffee just got changed out, it's fresh. I'm gonna get a cup." Please, put a pillow over my head and push till I don't fight anymore if i know when the coffee is gonna be fresh at Panera...please.
It's funny, but if my Grandfather was alive, this would be Mecca for him, so I shouldn't make too much fun.
If you are a moron, please stay away from me. I cannot help you. some idiot came up to me and asked me if I could help him jump his car off. No problem. I grab my cables and ask him where his car is. Im at Panera in Cleveland.....Paul Huff Parkway.....across from the Mall....or as I call it the gigantic waste of space that should be a golf course...a school....anything but a crappy Kmart. Can you imagine a Mall that doesn't have an arcade...wait, neither does Hamilton Place. Where can a guy get some Galaga in........Id would love to play some Mortal Combat.
Two girls are sitting across from me talking about guys. Guess what, they are bitching. From what I understand, Girl #1 is upset because her man hates Grey's Anatomy and wants to watch football all weekend. Do I need to comment on that? She's not my type anyway. Girl #2 is upset because her sweetie brought her flowers, chocolates, and a DVD for her anniversary. Excuse me, but it's a down economy...I see no ring of any kind. She should be thankful. Of course, I would have taken my girlfriend of two weeks to Hawaii first class. Question though, what did she get him? I know what he wanted....bet he didn't get it.
Ok...you cannot eat a breadbowl with a plastic fork......I think Ill just start carrying silverware around. damn it.....I can't hear a thing right now and a buzzer went off at the next table. They should swap out pacemakers for these things.
Uh oh....just spotted a dude use his water cup and put coke in it.....should I rat him out. Nah, he deserves it. He's gotta try and get thru that breadbowl.....
Have a good day to all. If you read these, I appreciate it and any feedback...good or bad is welcome....just make it good.
Clayyyy
Ive been at Panera Bread all morning. It's a million voices all at once....and those annoying vibrating things that signal your food is ready.......I jump everytime those things go off. Luckily, the head phones are on and I need a boost.....Beethoven's Ninth....."Choir Version of Ode to Joy." Can you believe this guy composed this song by cutting the legs off a piano so he could feel the vibrations? That is genius.....and it's no one has ever come close. Mozart was a punk.
Anyway, to my left is a group of older gentlemen that seem to come here often. From what I have overheard they are discussing the end of the world. I don't see a Mayan Calendar, but they are discussing something they saw on the Bible channel. Is it me, or should the Bible channel (or whatever it is called) have like more uplifting stuff in it's programming. They are intense about it. Another thing....if I was getting coffee on my AARP card, which I will.....well scratch that......I would be discussing anything but the end of the world. Hell, it's coming for them anyway. Don't rush it pal.
Two other elderly gentlemen just about put me to sleep. Let me give you the conversation and try to stay awake. "Uh, gas went up again Earl...yep, 14 cents overnight." "Yeah, Im getting my oil changed next week, think Im gonna try that synthetic oil this time." "Hey, it's 11, the coffee just got changed out, it's fresh. I'm gonna get a cup." Please, put a pillow over my head and push till I don't fight anymore if i know when the coffee is gonna be fresh at Panera...please.
It's funny, but if my Grandfather was alive, this would be Mecca for him, so I shouldn't make too much fun.
If you are a moron, please stay away from me. I cannot help you. some idiot came up to me and asked me if I could help him jump his car off. No problem. I grab my cables and ask him where his car is. Im at Panera in Cleveland.....Paul Huff Parkway.....across from the Mall....or as I call it the gigantic waste of space that should be a golf course...a school....anything but a crappy Kmart. Can you imagine a Mall that doesn't have an arcade...wait, neither does Hamilton Place. Where can a guy get some Galaga in........Id would love to play some Mortal Combat.
Two girls are sitting across from me talking about guys. Guess what, they are bitching. From what I understand, Girl #1 is upset because her man hates Grey's Anatomy and wants to watch football all weekend. Do I need to comment on that? She's not my type anyway. Girl #2 is upset because her sweetie brought her flowers, chocolates, and a DVD for her anniversary. Excuse me, but it's a down economy...I see no ring of any kind. She should be thankful. Of course, I would have taken my girlfriend of two weeks to Hawaii first class. Question though, what did she get him? I know what he wanted....bet he didn't get it.
Ok...you cannot eat a breadbowl with a plastic fork......I think Ill just start carrying silverware around. damn it.....I can't hear a thing right now and a buzzer went off at the next table. They should swap out pacemakers for these things.
Uh oh....just spotted a dude use his water cup and put coke in it.....should I rat him out. Nah, he deserves it. He's gotta try and get thru that breadbowl.....
Have a good day to all. If you read these, I appreciate it and any feedback...good or bad is welcome....just make it good.
Clayyyy
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
First Date Part Deux!!!
Ok...so I've now been on a date thanks to a singles site. I met (online) a very nice girl name Leah last night. We chatted for what seems like hours and after determining that neither one of us were serial killers, we decided to go out this afternoon.
I was under the impression that taking a girl to a movie was not a good call on a first date...or at least that was the advice I was given. Well, that's not entirely true. Leah wanted to see a scary movie and "The Stepfather"was the best I could find. I didn't like it as much as the original, but I was entertained.
Of course the real story is just trying to to get through these first dates. This makes the second one I have been on fairly recently, and I think I'm getting a little bit better. We met at the Rave and everything went good. About halfway thru I made my big move. Yeah, I reached over and we held hands. I know....Im a stud.
Any attempt for me to do anything is bound to end up in some sort of disaster. This time, after getting gas, I left my wallet on top of the gas pump. We ended up at the Mall and walked around. I even did some shopping....not for me...but I was looking at women's handbags for a little bit. Thank GOD, she did not ask me my opinion because they all looked bad to me. How does a woman select a bag anyway. I understand that it is an accessory and all....sure, match the bag with what you're wearing, but as I take a look around, I notice that's not necessarily the main option. Is it a status thing? Who knows? My wallet, when not lost, just goes in my pocket. Girls....forget the Rosetta Stone or the Holy Grail, women are the greatest mystery of all time.
After shopping, we headed to Chili's for a very nice lunch. Leah and I have quite a bit in common. She's been thru the ringer pretty good and is sweet as soda pop (Rocky Top reference) and was very sweet as I got quite embarrassed for losing my wallet. Nope, I did not have to wash dishes, but I just went back with my money. Should I get one of those chains that go from your wallet to your beltloop. Would that give me some Testosterone points? Im telling you, if things don't go well, Im getting a Harley...and ADIOS!!!
The best martini's by the way are the ones that a bartender chills the glass.....uses a very high grade of Vodka (Belvedere is the best, but Stoli or the Goose work as well) makes it dirty as hell and loads it up with olives. Piss on that Cosmopolitan crap. Sour Apple? James Bond would vomit all over his Versace tuxedo. Just my opinion though. But, I digress.
Leah told me that she would like to see me again. Of course, she was probably being nice, but I will take it. Kind of like my serve in tennis or my jumper in basketball...as with dating, both are getting better....sharper, and more likely to find it's mark.
Going to Birmingham tomorrow to see a big bad Brain doctor...He will probably look at it and just laugh. Either way, I will have a good idea of what lies next soon. Wish me luck.
Hope everyone is doing OK.
Love to all,
Clayyyyyy
I was under the impression that taking a girl to a movie was not a good call on a first date...or at least that was the advice I was given. Well, that's not entirely true. Leah wanted to see a scary movie and "The Stepfather"was the best I could find. I didn't like it as much as the original, but I was entertained.
Of course the real story is just trying to to get through these first dates. This makes the second one I have been on fairly recently, and I think I'm getting a little bit better. We met at the Rave and everything went good. About halfway thru I made my big move. Yeah, I reached over and we held hands. I know....Im a stud.
Any attempt for me to do anything is bound to end up in some sort of disaster. This time, after getting gas, I left my wallet on top of the gas pump. We ended up at the Mall and walked around. I even did some shopping....not for me...but I was looking at women's handbags for a little bit. Thank GOD, she did not ask me my opinion because they all looked bad to me. How does a woman select a bag anyway. I understand that it is an accessory and all....sure, match the bag with what you're wearing, but as I take a look around, I notice that's not necessarily the main option. Is it a status thing? Who knows? My wallet, when not lost, just goes in my pocket. Girls....forget the Rosetta Stone or the Holy Grail, women are the greatest mystery of all time.
After shopping, we headed to Chili's for a very nice lunch. Leah and I have quite a bit in common. She's been thru the ringer pretty good and is sweet as soda pop (Rocky Top reference) and was very sweet as I got quite embarrassed for losing my wallet. Nope, I did not have to wash dishes, but I just went back with my money. Should I get one of those chains that go from your wallet to your beltloop. Would that give me some Testosterone points? Im telling you, if things don't go well, Im getting a Harley...and ADIOS!!!
The best martini's by the way are the ones that a bartender chills the glass.....uses a very high grade of Vodka (Belvedere is the best, but Stoli or the Goose work as well) makes it dirty as hell and loads it up with olives. Piss on that Cosmopolitan crap. Sour Apple? James Bond would vomit all over his Versace tuxedo. Just my opinion though. But, I digress.
Leah told me that she would like to see me again. Of course, she was probably being nice, but I will take it. Kind of like my serve in tennis or my jumper in basketball...as with dating, both are getting better....sharper, and more likely to find it's mark.
Going to Birmingham tomorrow to see a big bad Brain doctor...He will probably look at it and just laugh. Either way, I will have a good idea of what lies next soon. Wish me luck.
Hope everyone is doing OK.
Love to all,
Clayyyyyy
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